Monday, September 24, 2007

Spam, spam, spam

I’ve heard about spam for years now and as a frequent user of e-mail I have always sort of expected it as part of the price of doing business. Use e-mail, get spam. It’s an easy equation. The joke is that spam tends to be for products like penis extenders, sexual performance enhancers, or other useful items like that, and that would be okay. The spam I get does not fall into any of these categories. The latest crop (or “crap”) was along the lines of: my good friend Adeeb Garangis sent me Itasca. Jang Swanberg sent Kodoki. From Eirik Lewman, kunpu. Claudio New, nihos. Other subjects included “ednevder”, “uunniLta” and “Stormwin”. Fascinating, but a touch cryptic.

I sort of figure that if someone it trying to catch my attention with a message, offer or product that they figure I might need or want, then the subject would be a little clearer. “For a bigger unit click here” for example. I have to assume there is method to their madness, but I’ll be swung if I can see it. Still, I always assume that most people are smarter than I’ll ever be so I guess I’ll just let it hang for now.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Marcel Marceau

I just heard that the most famous mime in the world, Marcel Marceau, had died at the age of 84. I wonder how many people know that the only movie that he ever spoke in was Mel Brook's movie Silent Movie? Unfortunately the first thing I thought when I heard that Marcel Marceau had died was; huh, I haven't heard from him in a while. I'm sorry.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Cara Luft

A week or so back the gang all went to see Cara Luft play guitar and sing (if you have not heard of Cara Luft check out her web-site and go out and buy her disks because you will not be disappointed). She was playing at a small restaurant/live show venue where we have seen her play before. Our seats weren’t the best as we couldn’t see her too well, but we could hear her and that’s the main thing. At least we could mostly hear her, except for some people there who figured that their conversations were way more important than any music that may be being played.

Finally a member of the audience had had enough (I wish I could say it was me) and interrupted Cara, saying, “Excuse me Cara, but could you keep it down? I can’t hear what these people are saying.” Beautiful. The intelligent members of the audience applauded and Cara thanked the guy who spoke up, then carried on, the yappy table actually keeping quiet. Good show, buddy.

The next day I was talking to a friend who had been there and she mentioned the incident. I told her how glad I had been when the guy said what he did, and she said that afterwards one of the girls who had been at the yappy table came up to him and told him how rude he had been as she herself was a performer and knew how to behave when music was being played. He just said, hmmm, because what else can you say to someone like that?

Anyway… Humouroceros

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The "case" of the stolen joke

The big news in the world of television this week is that a sniveling little twerp from AirAmerica who is on a show called “the Young Turks” has decided to sue Mr. Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report. The twerp, who claims his name is Cenk Uygur, claims that Stephen Colbert stole a joke from him. This is, of course, patently ridiculous.

First let’s examine the joke. Cenk says that on September 7, 2007 he commented on the Republican presidential candidates debate that the candidates used the work ‘honour’ (or ‘honor’ as our friends to the south misspell it) so much that they sounded like Klingons. On September 11, 2007 on the Colbert Report Mr. Colbert made a similar observation in which he showed a photo of a Klingon, calling it a photo of Rudy Giuliani. Big honking deal. Similar? Sure. Stolen? I think not.

Let’s examine the two men involved. The alleged Cenk Uygur would appear to be a Turk of some description who nobody has ever heard of. I mean, AirAmerica for gosh sakes. Then there is Mr. Stephen Colbert, one of the sharpest political commentators in North America. The man is listened to by hundreds of millions of people on a nearly daily basis. He hosts the hugely popular Colbert Report and in truth has no need to steal “jokes” or anything else from anybody. Especially from a gomer like Cenk Uygur, if that’s his real name.

I would like to propose a more likely scenario here. That Cenk fellow is a plant by the extremist elements of the enemies of the United States and freedom in general. Is it possible that his real name is Osama or bin Laden or something along those lines? I suggest that he may be here to distract us from what is really going on with some sort of frivolity, such as a lawsuit against the greatest voice for conservatism the United States, and indeed the world has ever seen. Just something to consider.

Anyway… Humouroceros

"We're just friends," claims "Cenk"

Nazi booze

The Lunardelli wine company in northern Italy has a product line called “der Führer”, called after that well-known wine aficionado, Adolf Hitler. There are several wines with labels showing Adolf doing all sorts of everyday Nazi things (saluting, waving to the crowd, ect.) and apparently this has gotten the winery into a certain amount of trouble. The Italian state prosecutor, Cuno Tarfusser (a beer drinker) says that the labels constitute a glorification of the perpetrators of crimes against humanity and had the wine labels seized.

Oddly enough there is also a line called “Il ventennio” which has loads of pictures of that old El Duce himself, Benito Mussolini. None of these labels were seized however. Check out the site at:

Anyway… Humouroceros

Ernie and God

I know it’s not easy for most people to admit when they’ve been wrong about something, but I believe that a real man is perfectly capable of taking responsibility for when he has held a belief which turned out to be wrong. I don’t know if it’s because we make so few mistakes or because of our broad shoulders, but on those rare occasions when I have been wrong, I can admit it.

Now take lawyers. For decades I have thought of lawyers as being greedy, filthy, arrogant, rapist and murderer-freeing scum. I have in the past thought of lawyers as people who would climb over the bodies of their own dead mothers to steal the coins from the eyes of their own dead sisters. Lawyers, I believed, were the one food that buzzards would not eat.

And now, with one story out of the great state of Nebraska (in the United States) every belief I have ever had regarding lawyers has been turned up-side-down! Nebraska State lawmaker, Ernie Chambers, has filed suit against God for causing, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues,” as well as many other “acts of God”. He is asking for a “permanent injunction ordering defendant (God) to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terrorist threats.” Good on you, Ernie.

Senator Ernie Chambers is the longest serving member of the Nebraska Legislature and has said that he filed the suit to make a point about frivolous lawsuits. This is, of course, ridiculous. Would you make a point about the stupidity of drinking and driving by chugging a bottle of whiskey and then blasting down Interstate 129 in a pickup with flat tires? Would you make a point about armed robbery by knocking over a gas-station? Not hardly you wouldn’t. I believe it’s obvious that Ernie has a deeper plan.

In fact the real plan is so deep that I can’t figure it out. Of course this only makes sense since there is no way I’m as sharp as old Ernie is so you go Ernie. I and all the right thinking people in the world are behind you 100%! And right after you knock God down a peg or two I’d appreciate it if you would consider suing that guy, Santa Claus for breach of promise. There is no way I ever asked for socks and underwear for Christmas.

Anyway… Humouroceros

PS; upon further research it turns out that Ernie is, in fact, not a lawyer. He did graduate from the Creighton University School of Law in Omaha, Nebraska, but he is not a member of the bar, and he does not practice law. I looks like while I was wrong about Ernie being a lawyer, I was probably not wrong about lawyers in general. Cool.

State Legislature Ernie Chambers

"The maddest black man in America"

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wendy Testaburger rocks!

Mrs. Landers was a health nut! She cooked food in a wok! Mr. Harris was her boyfriend and he had a great big

Cock-a-doodle-doodle! The rooster just won't quit! And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like

Shih Tzus make good house pets! They're cuddly and sweet! Monkeys aren't good to have 'cause they like to beat their

Meeting in the office, or meeting in the hall! The boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer! He lived with Allen Funt! Mrs. Roberts didn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a

Cunt-aminated water can really make you sick! Your bladder gets infected and blood comes out your

Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying ****!
From the South Park episode "Something You Can Do With Your Finger"
Anyway... Humouroceros

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Recently a ‘spinner’ in New York (a ‘spinner’ is one of those folk who exercise by using stationary bikes in a class. As I understand it there is a leader and the bikes have variable tensions so that it is as if you are actually out in the fresh air riding a bike. Personally I’m not down with spinning, but then I live in paradise and if I want to ride my bike in the fresh air I just go do it. I suspect that the air is a little fresher here than it is in New York) had a fit and threw one of his fellow spinners into a wall. This fellow spinner had been “hooting and grunting” to increase the “euphoric experience” of spinning and Mr. Christopher Carter got annoyed. He yelled that the other guy should “shut up” and was told, “This is a spin class. If you don’t like it, leave.”

Mr. Carter fell into a blinding rage and rather than leaving, he tossed his fellow spinner (a Mr. Stuart Sugarman) into the wall, where he suffered a back injury that required surgery. Apparently Mr. Carter feels that he is the victim here and claims that it was a simple case of “spin-rage”.

Okay, to this guy Sugarman was getting into it a bit too much and this annoyed Carter who decided that rather than being an adult, he would throw a tantrum. Whatever. Charge the freak with assault and there you go. But no, instead they come up with an entirely new way to abuse the word ‘rage’ and by gosh golly who’s the victim here after all?

In my opinion, we all are. I am just a little tired of any creep who is incapable of controlling himself, just flying off the handle then claiming whatever-rage. I don’t care if it’s ‘road-rage’, ‘air-rage’, ‘standing-too-long-in-the-line-at-the-store-rage’, or whatever. The fact is that these people are just creeps. Why don’t we treat them as such and just get on with it? Toss them in a big rubber room with a rattle and be sure that they never have any reason at all to complain. I suggest sealing up the room and checking on them every five or ten years, just to be sure that everything is okay.

Now I am not getting on at Mr. Carter. I notice that he is younger that I am, and I am forced to wonder if he is one of those people who played on soccer teams where there was no score kept and everybody got a trophy. Naturally he would have a sense of entitlement and no doubt when he politely told that noisy guy Sugarman to “shut up” he probably couldn’t understand why Sugarman didn’t instantly comply. Ol’ Chris Carter seems to be a real-life analog of “South Park”s character Cartman, so naturally he flew into a rage. Under those circumstances, who wouldn’t? But rather than calling it ‘spinner-rage’ shouldn’t it be called ‘stupid-whiney-bastard-rage’? Just a thought.

Anyway… Humouroceros.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Check this action out. I got 15 out of 20, so don't mess with me you fake smilers!

Anyway... Humouroceros

Sunday, September 02, 2007


Get this; I just read that Adam (man #1) had a wife before Eve (woman #2?). She was named Lilith and was destroyed by God because she wouldn't serve Adam. Sounds a little harsh to me but what do I know. Also, I thought that divorce was frowned on in the Catholic faith. Or does God smiting you not count?

Anyway... Humouroceros