Monday, July 30, 2007

Bob Hope was a pig

The most memorable Reagan AIDS moment was at the 1986 centenary rededication of the Statue of Liberty. The Reagan’s were there sitting next to the French Prime Minister and his wife, Francois and Danielle Mitterrand. Bob Hope was on stage entertaining the all-star audience. In the middle of a series of one-liners, Hope quipped, “I just heard that the Statue of Liberty has AIDS, but she doesn’t know if she got it from the mouth of the Hudson or the Staten Island Fairy.” As the television camera panned the audience, the Mitterrands looked appalled. The Reagans were laughing. By the end of 1989, 115,786 women and men had been diagnosed with AIDS in the United States—more then 70,000 of them had died


Anyway... Humouroceros

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Mission to Mars

In preparation for a future trip to the planet Mars, leading scientists in the former Soviet Union have begun to study the effects of a long-term space voyage on a small group of people. Any trip to Mars, and return, is expected to take from one and a half to two years, and the astronauts involved would have to stay on their ‘A’ game the entire time. Oh, and they probably shouldn’t kill one another either.

The Russian Institute for Biomedical Problems is looking for a group of six people to spend up to 700 days together in an area equal to nine 60-cubic-metre truck containers. This space will consist of a common living area, individual bedrooms, a bathroom, a command module and a fitness room. No contact would be allowed with the outside world except through “mission control” and all communications would be delayed as though the participants were actually on a real trip to Mars. Food would be the same as served on the International Space Station with treats on special days. No drinkers or smokers need apply.

The composition of the crew (sexually speaking) has yet to be decided and this is pretty important since, as one can imagine, man to woman percentages are critical. In 1998 – 1999 a similar experiment had a “crew” of seven males and one female. It wasn’t long before the Russian members of the “crew” were beating the snot out of one another and it got so tense that the sole Japanese crewmember hid all the knives in the habitat. At one point the Russian Commander forcibly French-kissed the Canadian crewmember (the woman), who then locker herself in her cabin. Russian officials said that this sort of behaviour was typical of Russians, and everybody else should put up with it or get out, which would be kind of tricky on a real trip to Mars, but there you go. The Russian officials also said that it was tacky to complain in public.

Curiously enough it is the above situation that suggests (to me) an easy solution to any trip to Mars. I submit that the first crew should be all male and all Russian. Forget about the no smoking or drinking rule and provide each crewmember with a two-year supply of smokes and there should be a communal vodka swimming-pool for the enjoyment of the entire crew (I bet nobody pees in that pool, at first). Knives and other edged weapons should be stashed all over the ship and rivalries encouraged. Now we got a party happening.

At first glance I’m sure our friends to the south (the USA) would not want to be part of this thing, and rightfully so. Who wants to spend billions of relatively valuable US dollars to see some ratty Russian flag being the first flag raised on Mars without Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan being involved in some way? So how about this: what say camera are placed all over the ship and it is billed and broadcast as the first interplanetary “reality” TV-show? I’m pretty sure I’d tune in every week to watch a bunch of drunk Russians smoking and puking all over the place as they beat the living daylights out of one another. And generally speaking I don’t even like “reality” TV (unless it’s Holmes On Homes or the Trailer Park Boys).

Now here’s the deal: I’m totally willing to sell this idea to the highest bidder for $1000000 cash. To sweeten the pot I’m willing to take Canadian money! That’s Canadian money, not Canadian Tire® money. It’ll be $2000000 if you want to pay in Canadian Tire money. Any interested party’s can reach me through the comments section of this very blog.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Google in China

Google, which I use daily, is moving in to China. China, which builds most of the stuff we buy day to day and which believes that human rights are stupid, is only willing to allow this if the Chinese government is allowed to censor what the Chinese people can see on it (the Chinese people apparently are not capable of handling that much "freedom"). As much as I totally support the whole 'anything for a buck' style of business whereby business folk like the owners of Google would sell their own mothers for 20 cents and a pair of Chinese-made sneakers, this disturbs me.

Of course this is my problem and I'll just bug off and continue on with my finger-painting and teeth-gnashing. Way to go, Google. Oh, and keep your comments about "baby steps" to yourself.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Harry 'Star Trek' Potter

This is the back cover of the seventh Harry Potter novel written by some woman in England, or something. I don't know who the artist is, but I am curious as to why this person would sneak a picture of the USS Enterprise onto the back cover of a Harry Potter novel. I suspect it was to increase sales. Pretty sneaky if you ask me.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Politically speaking, I like to think that I dress neither to the right nor the left. I want the government to stay out of my face and I am more than happy to stay out of theirs. I pay my taxes and in return I expect certain services to be maintained. Michael Moore’s latest documentary is about one of the things I expect to be maintained. Health care.

As pretty much everybody must know Mike’s latest is called Sicko and is all about the US health care business. Mike tends to look at things with a liberal perspective and so as usually happens all the right-wing monkey-butts have come howling out from under their rocks in order to set the record straight on what Mike is saying. In this case that seems to mean that, sure, there are some problems, but when you get right down to it, the US has the best medical care in the world, and Michael Moore is fat. My answers to these points are; yes they do, if you can afford it, and so what?

The rightys also make the odd point that those of us who live in countries that have “free” (or ‘socialist’) medical care don’t actually get it for free. We pay, on average, higher taxes and are thus actually paying for our free medical care. Mister Moore deals with that thought in his internet letter dated July 17, 2007 where he says, “Don't patronize Americans by saying; "Well, it's not free -- they pay for it with taxes!" Yes, we know that. Just like we know that we drive down a city street for FREE -- even though we paid for that street with our taxes. The street is FREE, the book at the library is FREE, if your house catches on fire, the fire department will come and put it out for FREE, and if someone snatches your purse, the police officer will chase down the culprit and bring your purse back to you -- AND HE WON'T CHARGE YOU A DIME FROM THAT PURSE! These are all free services, collectively socialized and paid for with our tax dollars. To argue that health care -- a life and death issue for many -- should not be considered in the same league is ludicrous and archaic.”(my italics)

Frankly, if I have to pay higher taxes than our friends to the south do so that young women having babies can have some of the best pre and post-natal care in the world without busting the bank; so that families going through some medical tragedy don’t have to face bankruptcy on top of everything else; so that if somebody needs emergency care, it’s there, then I am happy to pay higher taxes. No problem.

It seems to me that a couple of Presidents ago a US President mentioned something about a “kinder and gentler society”. Wouldn’t a kinder and gentler society make sure that health care is affordably available to all of it’s citizens? Good care should not be just for the rich. Of course I could be wrong and if I am I am totally looking forward to the right-wing response to Sicko, which will no doubt be called Healtho.

Anyway… Humouroceros

PS: I heard a Canadian comedian say that he tells his US friends that he took some time off so that he could have one of his hands cut off and reattached, BECAUSE IT WAS FREE! Cool.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Simon

Just caught this on the Well said:

Canon Fodder
Keep It in Your Pants
By Matt Hutaff
Jul 10, 2007

What is it about religious conservatives that makes them want to bang whores so bad?

Louisiana senator David Vitter is a shining beacon of fundamentalist morality; he encourages military recruitment in high schools and hates same-sex unions enough to co-author a Federal Marriage Amendment prohibiting them (it failed). If you doubt his commitment to traditional marriage, he'll happily trot out the wife and kids. He's in love with love, you dig? Well, that and the whoring.

Vitter is the second politician to confess to the services of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the infamous "D.C. Madam" charged with running a prostitution ring for Beltway elites. (The other is former deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias, the disgraced AIDS czar who used federal funds to promote abstinence over condoms as a means of combating HIV.) "This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible,'' Vitter said in a statement Monday. "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there—with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.''

Isn't it great how the respect factor kicks in after the affair is revealed and not before it's consummated?

While we're left hanging on what sin was committed (did he steal a hubcap or worship an idol?), the question remains: Why are the politicians who legislate morality inevitably the biggest sleazes? Vitter compared the prospect of a gay couple tying the knot to the level of devastation heaped on the United States by Hurricanes Rita and Katrina. Tobias denied funding to organizations trying to help prostitutes get their lives together while frequenting an escort service. Jodi Jacobson, executive director for the Center for Health and Gender Equity, put it mildly when she said she found the situation "somewhat ironic."
Vitter and his ilk are just part of a long chain of liars who pimp themselves as moralists for the conservative vote. Does that base feel burned yet by these charlatans and hypocrites? Seems like a man of principle is hard to find these days, and even harder to elect. When people like Vitter aren't taking obscene campaign contributions, committing adultery, drinking to excess, or a host of other failings, they're badgering you on the one or two vices you might have. Doesn't that sting? Can't you find some real, honest-to-God genuine nutball capable of keeping his pants zipped around a call girl?

No one should be surprised by Vitter's revelation; sex scandals on Capitol Hill are about as shocking as the sun rising in the east. And, frankly, it's a little hard to trump the first Bush White House, which was accused of running a child prostitution ring of its own. Maybe he does really hate gays, who knows? More power to him. But when the kink in the armor is revealed, any platform built to enforce morality vaporizes.
It's rumored Vitter's dalliances go back further, to another whore he frequented during his gubernatorial bid in 2002. (Maybe that's the sin he spoke of yesterday!) In any case, his association with Palfrey's business, Pamela Martin & Associates, took place in 2004, giving ultraconservatives a solid three years of hypocritical representation. There's solace in that, even if none can be found in his abysmal voting record. After all, he's:
voted against relief for hurricane-affected regions;
voted no on $100 million earmarked to reduce teen pregnancy through contraception and education;
recommended Constitutional amendments banning flag desecration... twice;
favored amendments banning same-sex marriages... twice; and
stood tall against the crime of letting a gay couple adopt a child.

To Vitter's inevitable replacement, I offer this advice: keep it in your pants. If you want to play God with the people of this nation through draconian policy, dull the pain with something legal, like bumfights or alcohol. We celebrate Ted Kennedy's foppish drunkenness on an almost daily basis, if you'll recall. Just be consistent. No one can take your stance against drugs seriously if you're lit up like the Northern sky, and it's awfully hard to tell a group of homosexuals to accept subhuman status for their sexuality while you're getting "massaged" by some of Central America's finest.

It's called integrity, and if you can't manage to keep your personal and public convictions in tandem, maybe you're in the wrong line of work.
Oh, wait—you're a politician.

Copyright © 1998-2006

The Simon rocks.
Anyway... Humouroceros

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Buggy road trip

For years now I have made it a habit to take photos while I am driving. I stick the camera out the window and just click away. It was an expensive habit in the days of film, but in this new digital age where one can delete any pictures that “suck” it’s all good. Recently on a trip into the big city (AKA: Vancouver) I whipped out the old camera and took this shot:

I didn’t realize what I had got until I tried to open the lens-cap again and it was stuck shut. It took me fifteen Q-tips and about twenty minutes to get that dude out of there, but there you go. Wham, bam, yuck, bug jam!

Anyway… Humouroceros

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Bad Spock... again

Just made another trip to Bad Spock and these two caught my eye. Sort of opposite ends of the form whereby one of these guys knows how to draw and the other hasn't a clue. Excellent.

Anyway... Humouroceros

The face

I've been having trouble sleeping this past while and I couldn't figure out why. I'm just as tired when I go to bed, but I seem to keep waking up. Last night was the usual, but then I heard this moaning sound, so without thinking I grabbed my camera and pointed and shot towards the moaning sound. This is what I got. I think I'm going to have even more trouble sleeping now. I'll keep you posted.
Anyway... Humouroceros

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Harry Potter 7 prediction

So, fourteen days until the release of the seventh and final Harry Potter book. JK has said that two main characters will die in this one. I believe that they are: Harry Potter and Voldemort. This I have said.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Yeah, uh

To paraphrase Jimi Hendrix, "Yeah, uh, happy birthday and all that good shit."

Anyway... Humouroceros