Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Whacked a sasquatch

So I got the word that a sasquatch was out bugging the herd and making the milk sour so I had to head on out and take the big dummy out. It's a darn shame too because as a rule I tend to get along with the big goofs. They leave me alone and I don't tell people about them so they can gomer along as usual. This one apparently had gone rogue and now I was going to have to deal with him. The one thing you cannot tolerate when it comes to the sasquatch is a loose cannon. They're just too big.

So I headed out and I did what I had to do, and no, I am not happy about it. But that's the test, isn't it? Anybody can get their hands dirty when they want to. Getting your hands dirty when you don't want to, that's a little tougher. I'm just lucky that sasquatches are not considered endangered, like rattlesnakes. The funny thing is, they taste like chicken, and that is a bit of information that I don't want to get out.

Anyway... Humouroceros


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

$350,000,000.00 Can.

"Hi, I'm Steve. Vote for me or I'll kill this kitty!"

The most recent Federal election in Canada cost $350,000,000.00, and even in Canadian dollars that's some serious coin (I know, I know. To our friends to the south (the United States), $350,000,000.00 isn't much, and it's even less when it is Canadian dollars. Why in Hollywood that piddling amount wouldn't even be enough to finance one of the larger CGI (computer generated imagery) action-movie extravaganzas. Here in the Great White North however, it'll buy you a government.) Now that would normally be fine. Democracy ain't cheap.

Now nothing really changed a whole lot in the Canadian political landscape. Granted, the New Democrats are a little weaker, the Liberal party will be looking for a new leader and the Green party lost the only seat it had in Parliament, but we still have a minority government. They consider themselves a stronger minority than they were before, but we'll have to wait and see about that. This would normally be fine as well. Elections are not necessarily about change and nobody can really predict how an election is going to turn out. It's that secret-ballot thing.

The thing is, after all was said and done, the once and present Prime Minister of Canada, the right honourable Stephen Harper, head of the Conservative government, said, "this it the outcome we were expecting." Woah up there, Stevie-H! You mean you set an election in motion, costing Canadians $350,000,000 that we can ill afford to waste, knowing that nothing would change? Speaking as a taxpayer there, Steve, thanks a bunch. It's good to know that I live in a country where that sort of cash can be tipped into the toilet for no good reason at all, and it's all okay. Right? Right!

Anyway... Humouroceros

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

Religious nuts

Calgary Bishop Fred "Jack-off" Henry

The Catholic church, notorious over the centuries for being well behind the curve, civilization-wise, has taken another giant step towards what it considers the ‘good old days’, known to the rest of us as the ‘dark-ages’. The Bishop of Calgary (Alberta)(in Canada)(d’oh!), Fred Henry, has come out against a program in that city which provides a vaccine shot to protect young girls from the Human Papilloma Virus (HPA). The vaccine protects against two types of the sexually transmitted disease, and it appears that the fact that it has something to do with sex is the bit that sticks in Bishop Fred’s craw.

As is all too often the case with religious maniacs like Henry, he doesn’t like it when humans behave like… humans. Instead of yanking his mind out of the gutter and his head out of his own butt, and perhaps even helping teach people how to make informed and intelligent life decisions (and no matter what the Bishop and other narrow-minded drips of his kind may think, sex is part of life itself, not just part of married life.) But no, instead it is easier to use the tried and true method of sex-control whereby you tell young women that if they have sex without “benefit of clergy”, they could die (400 women die of cervical cancer in Canada every year so it strikes me that something that can prevent cervical cancer would be a good thing.) Good on you Bishop. Looks like you have earned that goofy hat that you wear.

It appears that the Bishop’s concern is that if he had not spoken out against this vaccine then that would have been sort of saying that pre-marital sex was okay by the Catholic church. Well, yes, and we all head out to the apple tree to pick oranges, don’t we? In fact the vaccine is to help prevent a cancer that kills women. I’m in favour of that. I wonder, is the church in favour of smoking because if people are smoking they aren’t having sex? Is the church in favour of talking on a cell-phone while driving because if people are talking on cell-phones while driving then they aren’t having sex? Well that’s just silly, but I do think that instead of wasting time moaning about something like this important vaccine, maybe the church should have put as much time into mentioning to it’s priests that they shouldn’t molest kids or something. Just a thought.

In a similar if somewhat lighter vein: I hear that the Creation Museum in Louisville, Kentucky (that’s in the USA, eh) is doing quite well. Over half a million people from all over North America (and beyond) have toured the museum since it opened in May, 2007, and that’s pretty good for a privately funded “museum” that deals in fantasy and superstition. Sort of a Disneyland where instead of saying “Hi” to Mickey, you kiss his ring. Well, not exactly, but something along those lines. The Creation Museum was privately funded with over $27-million in donations, proving once again that when it comes to religion some people will pay anything to stay out of hell (televangelists depend on this for their income.) And if that money is all spent on providing the latest in computer generated dinosaurs images, and those dinosaurs are roaming all through the Garden of Eden, so much the better.

It’s almost inspiring to think that there are still people out there who believe that the Universe was created on a whim with a blast of magic, but really it is sort of up there with the kids who play Dungeons and Dragons. I mean the real hardcore kids who dress the part and say “prithy” and “avast” all the time. The ones who live, breath and eat Dungeons and Dragons. The thing is that these kids all operate within the internal logic of their game (I myself don’t understand the internal logic of their game, but I know that when you are playing you don’t just grab a laser-gun and nuke some Klingons or something.) The Creationists (like the folks who created the Creation Museum) don’t. The Creationists want it both ways in that they say the books of Genesis in the Bible are the literal story of the creation of the world (and the Universe) some 6000-years ago, and by the way, there were dinosaurs there too, and they co-existed with mankind (um, no it wasn’t, no there weren’t, and no they didn’t.) So why are there no dinosaurs around today? Maybe when Noah built the ark all the dinosaurs were off hanging out with the griffins, the sphinxes and the unicorns (big shout out to the Irish Rovers), or something.

You know, it’s just so hard to take people who think the Flintstones were a real documentary television show seriously.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Friday, October 17, 2008


The new shoo-in for ‘stupidest man on the planet’ is Mark Ciptak out of Elizabethton, Tennessee, USA. Mr. Ciptak (and I only use the term ‘Mr.’ because I can’t think of a short way to say, “stupid as a sack of hammers”), in a fit of ‘holy cow, I’m dumb as hell’, went behind his wife’s back and named their new daughter Sarah Palin-McCain Ciptak, rather that the using agreed upon, quaintly unbizarre name of Ava Grace. Bold move there, Gomer. Why let your wife have input into something as inconsequential as your daughter’s name? That’s just so silly.

And why did Mark decide that Sarah Palin-McCain would be just a totally awesome name for his new daughter? It appears that he thought that this would be just a swell way to “get the word out.” It’s unfortunate that the word he is getting out is “moron” and that it applies to Mark, his own bad self, but there you go. He does have a McCain/Palin sign on his front lawn, but he couldn’t afford to give any financial support to the campaign (I guess that having a baby kind of cuts into the old discretionary spending), and since Mark felt that not enough people were aware of the upcoming presidential election, or of Governor Sarah Palin, or even of Senator John McCain, he figured that this was the way to go. Officer thinking there, Mark. Well done.

It does appear that Mark-buddy may have some slight, slight inkling that he may be in a teensy bit of trouble with his wife, and he figures that he may be in the doghouse for a couple of weeks. Even in metric that’s only fourteen days, and I think he’s out a bit on that one. If he’s even still married in two weeks he will be paying for this chunk of stupid for a good long time to come. I have seen your future, dim-bulb, and it doesn’t look good.

I’m trying to imagine who would support Beevis in his choice here. As a proud member (or at least a proud supporter) of the pro-family Grand Old Party (AKA: the Republicans) I have to wonder just how much support somebody who has dumped on his wife (and daughter) as hard as this guy has, would have. If Governor Palin’s handlers told her about this, was her reaction, “Gosh, that’s great! It sure is great to live in the United States, ain’t it?” or was it, “He what? That dude’s simple!” I’ve got a shiny new Canadian dollar coin that says Governor Palin figures that Mark’s a dope. At least, I hope she does.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Monday, October 06, 2008

Washington speak

It was less than a week ago that everybody’s favourite Republican, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, said during the Vice-presidential “debate” that she doesn’t understand how things are done in Washington D.C. It looks to me like this statement put the Republican Election Committee into über-teach mode and they clamped the sleep teaching bolts to the Governor and cranked it up to ten, toasting her with Washington-speak 101. Well it’s all good now and the proof is in the pudding.

Governor Palin came busting out of the gates with the usual Washingtonian contempt for the voters. She has, in an apparent follow-up to the Fox “news” services comments on Democratic presidential candidate Senator Obama and the “terrorist fist jab” incident, accused that same Senator Obama with “… palling around with terrorists.” Not a good start “Washington-speak-wise” for Governor Palin. The intent it seems was for Mister and Missus Average Voter to immediately imagine Senator Obama spending his downtime “palling around” with his good buddy Osama Bin Laden or perhaps the King of Spain (the good Governor’s running mate, Senator John McCain has some sort of problem with the King of Spain, or somebody in Spain anyway).This is an ugly image in anybody’s book, but unfortunately for the Governor, the US voting public in general is brighter than the voters she is used to dealing with (although I find it hard to believe that the voters in Alaska would have been taken in by such crass political BS either.)

In any event, it looks like Governor Palin has taken her first faltering step into the larger arena of ‘Washington-speak’ (and you can’t scrape this stuff off of your shoe all that easily.) It’s too bad that she or her “people” couldn’t have been bothered to check into the allegations she was fed before she passed them along. For the record the “terrorist” Senator Obama has been “palling around” with is William Ayers, a co-founder of the radical group The Weathermen from the 1960s and 1970s. At that time he took part in bombings in the United States. Any and all charges were dropped against him by 1977. Ayers has said that he regrets that he hadn’t done more against the Viet Nam war (maybe this is the bee up Governor Palin’s bonnet, that whole “white flag of surrender” thing.) He is a teacher now and he and Senator Obama met in 1995 when Ayers hosted a “meet-and-greet” for the Senator. Since they have both served on a couple of non-profit groups at the same time. In Governor Palin’s view this is “palling around”. Well done, Governor. Now yank that foot out of your mouth and get on with it.

Anyway… Humouroceros

PS: On the Canadian election front, it’s still boring. The Prime Minister, big Steve Harper, has said that Canadians have nothing to fear about the mess going on South of the 49th since our markets are different from theirs. Oh good. That’s a load off. Thanks Steve.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Vice-presidential debate

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Everybody’s favourite Republican babe, Governor Sarah Palin is all set to go mano a (wo)mano against her Democratic opponent for the vice-presidency, Senator Joe Biden, this Thursday and I’ma thinkin’ itsa gonna be a good one. Non-convention footage of Governor Palin is rare so I’m sure that everybody has been ODing on the one interview she did with Katie Couric (the really desperate are even scouring the Tina Fey stuff for any tiny bit of info they can glean about the real Gov. Palin), just to get a sense of how things will go in the debate, and yes, I do have a few thoughts.

By all accounts, Senator Biden is a whiz on the debate circuit. He knows his stuff, as they say, and he has the experience. Governor Palin, not to be a dick about it or anything, tends to try to pass off ‘folksie charm’ as ability. That ‘regular person’ stuff might fly out there (up there?) in Alaska, but I have to wonder how well it will work when, as vice-president she is dealing with some hardcore bull-loony, hell bent on gnawing a chunk out of her in negotiations somewhere. Sure, she can put a bullet into a moose, but that is something that the professional politicians frown on during negotiations. Even with evil-doers.

The Republicans have been spinning furiously as they try to convince even themselves that Governor Palin is the best person for the job of Vice-president. They had to know that she would have to hold her own in a pre-election debate, and frankly I am a little worried for her. I’m not worried about any ‘toughness’ since I don’t think that anybody who can become a Governor of a state is likely to be a shrinking violet (if that isn’t too offensive), but Governor toughness is different from Vice-president toughness, and in the final analysis, experience is going to count (in fact, up until Governor Palin joined the race, that was the main Republican dis against Senator Obama, wasn’t it?)

My bet for Thursday night is that Senator Biden is going to take Governor Palin to the cleaners, and I already feel kind of bad for her.

Anyway… Humouroceros