Nothing Nice To Say

Check out http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/index.php Good clean fun.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Curling for dummies

I saw a book today entitled, Curling For Dummies, and I thought that sometimes the title of a book pretty much says it all. It's like the title of the movie Snakes on a Plane. Once you've read the title you don't need to see the movie. The title says it all.

Besides (back to the curling thing), any "sport" that considers beer an energy drink, probably isn't much of a sport.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Give'r

Anyway... Humouroceros

My little bit of rebellion

Everybody gets unsolicited mail from realtors and banks and credit card companies and whatever all else, and the way I have decided to deal with this unwanted stuff is to send it back. It would probably make more sense time and green-wise to just toss it into the recycling, but I have personally opted not to go that route. If there’s a little bit of dumb stuff to be done, I’m your man.

Whenever I get something with a self-addressed stamped envelope inside, I remove any references to my own name and address. Then I cut up everything to fit and stuff it in the envelope and mail it off home. I know I’m not the only person to do this, but I have heard stories of people doing it and adding used tissue or Q-tips to the mix and frankly I don’t understand doing that. I figure that the people who are opening these envelopes are probably not earning in the $70 - $80 K range and are, in fact, probably minimum wage earners. I’m out to mess around with the companies involved, not the low wage earners who work there. But that’s just me.

It was either Thomas Jefferson or Vladimir Lenin (or somebody else like that) who said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “a little bit of rebellion is a good thing.” Yeah!

Anyway… Humouroceros

Buddy and the lap-top

Buddy and I are talking the other day and out of the blue he asks if I know how to fix a lap-top computer. “Depends,” I said, “have you tried turning the switch to the ‘on’ position?”

“That’s the problem,” he replies. “I spilled coffee on it and now it won’t turn on.”

“I see,” I said, “it’s sort of a ‘Three Mile Island’ sort of scenario.” Hmmm… “Was it a French Roast or some sort of medium roast? It wasn’t one of those flavoured coffees, was it?”

“Not really. It was a Hortons double, double.”

Yikes! That was nasty. Double cream and double sugar. I was about to inform this that he was now the proud owner of a futuristic looking door-stop or paper-weight when Mister Buttinski who was there, butted in. “First thing you do is pull the battery. Take off the backing plate and remove the board and the keyboard touch mesh. Use a soft cloth and gently wipe everything clean with warm, soapy water. Rinse it all and pat it gently dry then leave it out overnight to completely air dry. Gently wipe down the inside of the cavity and all the outer panels. Put it back together and it should be good to go.”

Buddy looks at me and asks, “So what do you think?”

“Sounds all right,” I said. “Of course a microwave oven will dry your stuff off better.”

Buttinski says, “I’ve never heard that before.”

“Well now you have,” I pointed out.

Buddy says, “So I should use a microwave to dry everything out?”

“No,” I told him. “Do it his way this time but if it ever happens again then use the microwave.” I figure anybody who would spill coffee on a lap-top twice can take his chances with the microwave drying method.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Snail joke

A guys watching TV when there’s a knock on the door. He goes to answer it but there’s nobody there so he goes back to watching TV. Then there’s another knock on the door and once again there’s nobody there. This happens five or six more times and the guy is getting really mad. The last time he answers the door he notices a snail on the doorstep and he’s so mad that he picks the snail up and throws it across the street.

Now it’s five years later and there the guy is watching TV when there’s a knock on the door. He goes to answer it and there’s the snail. The snail looks at him and says, “Hey, what was that all about?”

Anyway... Humouroceros