Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ernie and God

I know it’s not easy for most people to admit when they’ve been wrong about something, but I believe that a real man is perfectly capable of taking responsibility for when he has held a belief which turned out to be wrong. I don’t know if it’s because we make so few mistakes or because of our broad shoulders, but on those rare occasions when I have been wrong, I can admit it.

Now take lawyers. For decades I have thought of lawyers as being greedy, filthy, arrogant, rapist and murderer-freeing scum. I have in the past thought of lawyers as people who would climb over the bodies of their own dead mothers to steal the coins from the eyes of their own dead sisters. Lawyers, I believed, were the one food that buzzards would not eat.

And now, with one story out of the great state of Nebraska (in the United States) every belief I have ever had regarding lawyers has been turned up-side-down! Nebraska State lawmaker, Ernie Chambers, has filed suit against God for causing, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues,” as well as many other “acts of God”. He is asking for a “permanent injunction ordering defendant (God) to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terrorist threats.” Good on you, Ernie.

Senator Ernie Chambers is the longest serving member of the Nebraska Legislature and has said that he filed the suit to make a point about frivolous lawsuits. This is, of course, ridiculous. Would you make a point about the stupidity of drinking and driving by chugging a bottle of whiskey and then blasting down Interstate 129 in a pickup with flat tires? Would you make a point about armed robbery by knocking over a gas-station? Not hardly you wouldn’t. I believe it’s obvious that Ernie has a deeper plan.

In fact the real plan is so deep that I can’t figure it out. Of course this only makes sense since there is no way I’m as sharp as old Ernie is so you go Ernie. I and all the right thinking people in the world are behind you 100%! And right after you knock God down a peg or two I’d appreciate it if you would consider suing that guy, Santa Claus for breach of promise. There is no way I ever asked for socks and underwear for Christmas.

Anyway… Humouroceros

PS; upon further research it turns out that Ernie is, in fact, not a lawyer. He did graduate from the Creighton University School of Law in Omaha, Nebraska, but he is not a member of the bar, and he does not practice law. I looks like while I was wrong about Ernie being a lawyer, I was probably not wrong about lawyers in general. Cool.

State Legislature Ernie Chambers

"The maddest black man in America"

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