A (blank) walks into a bar...

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks over and says, “Holy crow! You’re a talking duck!”

“Yeah, no kidding,” the duck replies. “Now how about that beer?”

The bartender gets the duck a beer and says, “I’ve never seen a talking duck before.”

“Yeah,” the duck says, picking up a newspaper, “well now you have.”

“So what do you do?”

“I’m working construction up the road.”

“That’s amazing,” the bartender says. “You know, you should join the circus. You could make a ton of money.”

“The circus,” the duck scoffs. “Why would the circus need a bricklayer?”

**********************

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. Without looking up the bartender serves the bear a beer and says, “That’ll be ten dollars.”

“Ten dollars,” the bear growls in disbelief as he pulls out his wallet. “For one lousy beer?”

The bartender looks up and exclaims, “Hey, you’re a talking bear! I’ve never had a talking bear in here before.”

“Jeez,” the bear replies. “At these prices I should guess not!”

***********************

A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings one over and says, “Hey buddy, why the long face?”

***********************

A duck, a bear and a horse walk into a bar and sit at a table. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey, what is this. Some kind of joke?”


Anyway... Humouroceros

Peanut-butter

In the last millennium when you bought a jar of peanut-butter (either crunchy or smooth) the manufacturer always put a single peanut on top of their product. Some time in the year 2000 this practice ended. I’ve always wondered if this was due to the efforts of the mighty North American peanut allergy lobby. If it was, wouldn’t that be weird?

Anyway… Humouroceros

WTF?

Less than a week after the mass-murders at the Virginia Polytechnic Institute an elementary school teacher in Delta, BC had her class perform a skit about the killings where some students acted out the killings of other students. Oddly enough this has created something of an uproar with some parents and students and it had to be explained to this teacher that this may not have been the most appropriate subject for an elementary school play. The principal of South Park elementary (now there’s an ironic school name, for anyone who has seen South Park on TV anyway), Doug Thomson says that the teacher in question has used the news current news for her plays before (wonder how the 9/11 play went, or the play on the beheadings in Iraq) but this time she dropped the ball and made a huge error in judgment. “I can’t think of any group of children, perhaps senior high students, who would be able to handle it,” said Thomson, who is apparently also an idiot (after all, Columbine never happened at a high school, did it).

Discussing the murders as a current event is an important thing to do, at home as well as at school. Helping kids be aware and interested in what is going on in the world around them is important. However, having children pretend to shoot each other in a classroom is, I think, stupid.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Iggy Pop

Iggy Pop has turned sixty and celebrated with a couple of thousand of his closest friends and admirers at a concert in the Warfield Theater in San Francisco, California. He invited the mosh-pit to join him and his reconstituted band the Stooges, onstage (dubbing them the ‘Bay Area Dancers’) and then he stage dove into the audience.

The guy doesn’t drink, do drugs, or roll around on broken glass anymore and by all accounts puts on a show that gumby’s half his age couldn’t keep up with. Never mind that Mick Jagger guy, or Roger Daltry, I wanna be Iggy. Ain’t gonna happen though. The job’s taken.

Anyway… Humouroceros

PS: the picture? Olaf Heine - Germany "Iggy Pop #2" - 2004

Back in the day...

Oh yes. Vancouver, May 1982. The Subhumans. Yes.

Anyway... Humouroceros

MacNamara vs O'Reilly

This is from the Telescope newspaper in Bruce County, Ontario from August 30, 1906…

Robert MacNamara and Patrick O’Reilly, both of Eden Grove, were in town last Wednesday trying to get a little tangle straightened out before Mr. Jas. Toltou J.P. Both are Irish and when Irishmen take to scrapping it is pretty hard to tell who is the most to blame. In this case MacNamara was the complainant. His dog it seems killed certain chickens belonging to his neighbor O’Reilly. Mr. O’Reilly met him on the street and suggested that he should pay for the chickens. MacNamara said, “That’s all right, but since you know so much about my dog, perhaps you can tell me something about the coat that was taken out of my shop some time ago?”

Mr. O’Reilly construing this remark to be an insinuation that he had taken the coat, got madder than ever and threatened to punch his neighbor’s head. The coat referred to must have been a very valuable one, for Mr. MacNamara said he would not have taken $500 for it. When brought to close quarters Mr. MacNamara would not say that he accused Mr. O’Reilly of taking it, and he said that he had used the remark for the purpose of getting back at O’Reilly, good and strong, or something to that effect. Several witnesses were called, some women being among them, and at the close, the Magistrate imposed a fine of one dollar and costs. Mr. Klein appeared for the plaintiff and Mr. Robertson for the defendant.

*****

And that's the way it was.

Anyway... Humouroceros