Christmas

Mad Magazine rockin the house, you bet. All right? All right!

Anyway... Humouroceros

H1N1 (or: The Pig-flu Blues)

Being of a certain frame of mind I don't believe in killer bees, avian flu, Ebola, or any of the many other media driven excuses for ignoring real news from the past few decades. I know they all exist, I just don't think that any of them were as big a deal as they were made out to be at the time. Much like the H1N1 (or 'swine') flu is today. It the H1N1 potentially serious for some people? Sure, but so are all your bog-standard flu's. Lots of people die every year from "the flu" so I'm just not buying into the whole 'pandemic' thing.

Now, having said that, I had no intention of getting the H1N1 vaccination shot. The whole vaccination program just seemed so uncoordinated with the first you should get it, then only certain people should get it and if you didn't don't worry about it, then everybody should get it even though the rates of infection were dropping and not as serious as first thought, then, whatever. The drama went on. I do get the regular flu shot every year and have done so for over ten years now and have not had a serious flu in all that time, but I really didn't see the need for an H1N1 vaccination.

The thing of it is that so far this year I hadn't even gotten the regular flu shot yet. Every year it was just getting harder and harder to wedge open the wallet and tug out $15 to pay for the shot, which is what my doctor charges. Then I heard that they were offering the regular flu shot with the H1N1 flu shot and my mind was made up. If it was going to save me $15 then I figured I could put up with the H1N1 thing.

I went to the flu clinic at the Health Unit and stood in line for a whopping twenty minutes, before explaining myself to a young girl behind a desk. In answer to her questions the only allergies I have are to bad music, infotainment and televangelists, and she told me that none of those would prevent me from getting the shot. Then she asked if I would like the regular (or 'seasonal') flu-shot and I said 'yep' (cha-ching! $15!) Then she said that there may be a charge for the seasonal unless I met certain conditions. "Curses," I muttered, then, "How about if I let you guys use one of the extra big needles, and you can even re-use a dirty one if you like, and we don't say anything more about silly old charges for the seasonal flu shot? How's that sound?" I really didn't want to spend fifteen bucks if I didn't have to.

"Actually," she said, "we only have one size of needle, and we never re-use our needles, ever. The condition is are you in regular contact with anyone who is over the age of 65?" Well I have many family members who have jogged past the 65 mark and once I told her that I was in, and my fifteen bucks was still safe in my wallet.

So just so we're clear on this; I did not get vaccinated out of some sort of media-frenzy induced worry about getting the swine-flu. It was purely a financial matter and I think I came out ahead in that deal. Okay? Okay!

Anyway... Humouroceros

Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow.

Traditionally Christians tend to get into the whole Christmas spirit thing with a fair amount of gusto every year about this time. The St Matthew-in-the-City Anglican church in Auckland, New Zealand has decided to kick it up a notch this year by putting up a billboard showing what looks like a naked virgin (?) Mary and Joseph in bed together with the caption, "Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow".

St Matthew's preacher, Archdeacon Glynn Cardy says of the billboard, "It is intended to challenge stereotypes about the way that Jesus was conceived and get people talking about the Christmas story."

Well New Zealand's conservative Christians are talking alright. Auckland Catholic Diocese spokesperson, Lyndsay Freer said, "Such a poster is inappropriate and disrespectful. Our Christian tradition of 2,000 years is that Mary remains a virgin and that Jesus is the son of God, not Joseph."

It is an interesting take, of course, but if you actually read the poster it does say, "God was a hard act to follow", which would indicate to me that (to be delicate) God knocked up Mary. Now the "Mary remains a virgin" thing is, to me, right out of left field. If I'm understanding this, the conservative Christians, and the Catholic church, believe believe that Mary remained a virgin even after taking one for the team and pounding out a Messiah? That is one messed up chunk of theological thinking going on there. I would have thought that after the Nativity was done and the wise-men had all gone home that Mary would have kicked back and maybe made the windows rattle with her husband a little bit. She had already done her bit and I would guess that all that riding a donkey around and casting her eyes heavenward all the time probably got a little old and so it would have been time to relax and have some fun. That's what I think anyway.

And looking at the poster itself one wonders what is supposed to be going through Joseph's mind here. To me he appears to be pouting a bit, perhaps with a little embarrassment mixed in, while the woman formerly known as the virgin Mary has her eyes cast heavenward (!), maybe thinking of, well, whatever. Then Joseph says, "Like, was it good for you?" and Mary goes, "You know, it was, like, ok," and Joseph is all, "Yeah, like, ok? Or do you mean OK?" and Mary says, "Sure, like, you know, ok." So Joseph says (to himself), "Crap!" and Mary says (to herself), "The last guy was way better." Now I have to admit to the possibility that I am reading way too much into this picture, just like that guy in Auckland who took it upon himself to spread brown paint all over the poster. However the only real point that he managed to make that I can see was, "Hey look at me! I'm a vandal!" What a dork.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Oral Roberts croaks

Creepus-maximus, Oral Roberts, has been called home (finally) and while many are perhaps wondering what Oral and Jerry Falwell will be talking about as they burn together, I had a different take on the whole situation. What I wonder is, is Oral actually surprised to find himself squatting on the extra-crispy rack in one of the deeper, less popular, pits of hell? Somehow, I don't think so.

The way I figure it is this: As everybody remembers, back in January of 1987 Oral told his television audience that God had told him that unless he raised 8-million dollars by March of that year, God would "call him home". The suckers came through and he raised 9.1-million, but for me the question remained, why didn't Oral want to get "called home"? I had figured that a good Christian fellow like old Oral would have popped wood at the opportunity to 'go home' and sit at the right side of Christ, discussing sports and porn and other deep matters of the spirit. But no, Oral didn't seem to want to go. The best I can figure now is that when His Honour (God) spoke to Oral regarding the original 8-mil, the Big Guy maybe mentioned in passing that seeing as Oral was a turd scented little criminal, when he croaked he would be heading south to fry.

Well Oral has gone home now and is popping and hissing with the worst of them, and the world is now a slightly better place.

Anyway... Humouroceros

The big 'O' having his CPU reset from 'greedy' to 'extra-greedy' by fellow traveller, Kenny 'thief-master' Copeland

Chunklet

Just discovered this site and whoever runs it seems to be pretty cool. Lots of good music and stuff. There is a link conveniently situated to the right. Click and enjoy. Yes.

Anyway... Humouroceros

Sailors

Yeah, I had heard about sailors and some of their habits while on long voyages at sea, but I didn't really believe it until I read the above. If it's true about Popeye, well...

Anyway... Humouroceros

Guns for Christmas!

So I was checking stuff out for the upcoming festive season and I couldn't help but notice all the different "guns" that Nerf has for sale. Now I didn't actually see the one above (I just thought the picture was cool) but it did accidentally make me think. Isn't Christmas the perfect time to give some kid a gun? The Christmas morning when you couldn't 'bust some caps' in your brothers face is a Christmas morning wasted. After all, WWJD? Ho ho ho!

Anyway... Humouroceros

PS: And just so the Bill O'Reilly types out there don't go all 'as mental as a one legged dog' on me, I am not against Christmas as such. Whack a dack!