Monday, July 03, 2006

The longest undefended border in the world 3

Well it’s early days yet and I’m still getting the hang of this digital camera technology but I think I’m off to a good start. As you no doubt remember, John, ever since you pointed out how my home country is a hotbed of Islamic extremism and a haven for terrorists, Klingons and other assorted bad guys I have taken it upon myself, at some personal risk, to hunt down and photograph terrorists wherever I can find them. I’m using a digital camera because as we both know, time is of the essence these days. I can just fire the digital pictures straight onto the computer instead of having to wait for them to be developed. I believe this will be handy in case ‘something were to happen’, if you catch my drift.

John, before we get started I sort of feel I should explain something. As the Chairman of a subcommittee you have probably developed a thick skin of sorts when it comes to considering terrorists and their various terrible activities. Remember that I’m new at this and if finding out that you’re living in a hotbed of terrorist activity doesn’t give you the jitters then nothing will. This will explain the first picture.
I was walking through my living room when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. “Holy cow!” I thought, “It’s a rotten terrorist!” I quickly turned and snapped a picture. It turns out that it wasn’t a terrorist at all but was instead a picture of our family dog, Razor. Razor is no terrorist; in fact she is as gentle as a kind-hearted fly which is pretty much the exact opposite of a terrorist. She would never hurt anybody or anything, unless it’s a mouse or a cat or something. Once Razor chows down on one of her fellow mammals (not that I buy into that evolution stuff or anything) we don’t have to feed her for that day. This first shot may have been a misfire, but it was good practice.

Next, I was taking a slow buzz around town on the old Raleigh Tomahawk II and I began to notice how much crud is lining the streets these days. I know that back in the day it was acceptable to dump that old refrigerator or washing machine by the hiway or down a ravine. The argument could even be made that this was a form of free enterprise, as one would have been avoiding the cost of the dump fees. In this current age of environmental awareness tossing your unwanted items out along the side of the road is frowned on, which is just one more freedom lost. Subtle, isn’t it? Correct me if I’m wrong, John, but are not free enterprise and freedom two of the things the terrorists hate about the west?

Then, to be even subtler, the terrorists take another tack. Now that everybody is so used to seeing everything so nice and tidy, it’s the terrorists who run around tossing junk all over the place, thus causing a loss of morale and feelings of deep anxiety. Almost makes you wish they were on our side, right? Except that we don’t want bad guys on our side.

John, my third photo may be a little controversial, but allow me to explain (I know, John. I’m not big on “explanations” or “understanding all the facts” either but just bear with me here.) First, a disclaimer; some of the information to follow is a little strong. As the chair of a subcommittee you may be used to this sort of stuff, but it gives me the creeps. This organization, which is very old and has managed to insinuate itself into almost every facet of our very lives, at one time would take people who didn’t agree with it and tie them to a stake. Then they would pile oil-soaked wood around these people and burn them to death! Also, this organization, like the Islamic extremists do, claims to be religious, in this case they claim to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ rather than Mohammed. Somehow I just can’t see Jesus tossing faggots of wood onto a fire that was being used to murder somebody so this is obviously just another example of religion being contaminated by extremists.

These people had/have other habits that are kind of nasty too, but the burning thing pretty much does it for me. Here is a photograph of one of their local buildings and as I was taking it I had to wonder, what are they getting up to in there?

So that’s it for now, John. I’m still on the case, as it were, and I’ll keep you posted. Keep up the good work.

Anyway… Humouroceros

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