Classic Rawk

Okay, what is ‘Classic Rock’? I was at the gym recently, making fun of the liquor drinkers and the karaoke ‘singers’ (sweating out the previous evening’s overindulgences, I suppose), when ‘Beast Of Burden’ by the Rolling Stones came on the radio. Cool, I thought, adding a quick ten Kg and ramping up the reps. The song ended, as they so often do, and some faceless mutt (AKA: the DJ) came on, naming the song and welcoming all to the Classic Rock Morning. I mean, what?

Excuse me, world, but the Rolling Stones song Beast Of Burden is not classic rock! It will be classic rock, one day, but it is not classic rock yet! By Crom, I can still remember buying the album it’s on, Some Girls, when it was first released a few short years ago and that album is still pristine! Not a scratch on it and it sounds as good today as it did then. Classic my hind-end. Now I’ll admit that early Rolling Stones could be and probably should be called classic rock. The song Satisfaction, the album Beggar’s Banquet, absolutely. But they’ve been out a few years now. Not like Some Girls, which, as I have already mentioned, is a fairly recent release.

Elvis is classic rock, as are Bill Halley and the Comets, Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, and the rest of that crowd. The stuff they play at graffiti dances where everybody puts crap in their hair and wears polyester. That’s classic rock so all you dinks who are making these terminological decisions, get it straight. Quit trying to make me old. I am taking care of that on my own (with a little help by time) and what I do not need is some wiener saying, “You know all that music you bought when it was new? Well it’s all old and that makes you really old!” You can all just get out of my face, and stay there. Now it’s time for my nap.

Anyway… Humouroceros