Friday, July 31, 2009

Profoundedly thinking

I have found that one way to stimulate the profoundus maximus centers of the brain (in order to force oneself to think profoundly) is to stay awake for extended amounts of time. A constant lack of sleep leaves one in a near-permanent state of pre-R.E.M. (Rapid Eye Movement), which as everybody knows is what the vulgar call the 'dream-state'.

Traditionally the dream-state is where a persons mind is processing the days (or a lifetimes) worries and thoughts, and this is all fine and natural as far as it goes. Unfortunately, it is unfocused. A persons mind wanders aimlessly so the trick is to essentially enter the dream-state while still awake enough to control it, and by 'control' I mean to carry on with a thought to its logical (or illogical) conclusion, no matter how odd that conclusion may be. Once one is able to do this, profoundity may occur.

As an example: I was thinking the other day about animagi, people who use the magik arts to transform themselves into animals of various types. Lets say that one of these people chose to become a frog (perhaps this person is a member of a crack ninja squad who is infiltrating a swamp.) Now as a frog this person would have all the attributes of a frog, including an uncontrollable taste for flies. It is generally accepted that humans would rather poke wood splinters into themselves rather than eat a fly but as a rule, frogs totally rock out on flies.

So this crack ninja is all busy infiltrating this swamp and he becomes peckish. He notices a particularly juicy fly, all full up with poop-juice and rotten crud, and he lets loose with his tongue and is soon chewing on that fly, jowls quivering as he chomps on that tasty delight. And here comes the profound part; As long as this ninja remains a frog, he can chew and swallow that fly with total enjoyment, but what if halfway through his snack he is startled and accidentally turns back into a human? A human who now has a half-chewed fly in his mouth. He would probably puke and then get caught by the swamp-owners.

Now that's profound.

Here endeth the lesson.

Anyway... Humouroceros


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