Friday, January 12, 2007

The longest undefended border in the world 9

John; I think we may have had a breakthrough of a sort here. The only thing I can figure is that I am making the local terrorist hotbed groups nervous somehow (with your inspiration though, John, so don’t worry, I’m willing to give full credit where it is due.) It looks like yesterday one of them took a potshot at me.

That’s right, John, a potshot, with a slug throwing weapon of some sort (that would be a gun sort of thing). They aren’t very good shots though since they only managed to punch a hole in one of my headlights. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll describe how the whole thing went down.

The other day I was heading out to Sunny-Trail Trailer Park out in Peaks Canyon, which is the largest trailer park in Canada and can even be seen from space I am told. I had heard some stories of some unsavory sorts of characters racketing about out there and I figured I would just check things out to make sure they were the usual sorts of unsavory types and not something foreign or something. I was cruising at a decent clip out on Hi-way *, traffic was moderate and the roadway was icy with some light gravel. It was all looking good when all of a sudden I more felt than heard something hit the front of the Jeep.

I’m happy to say that the old survival instincts kicked in like a disgruntled mule on speed and I began to swerve and weave all across the two-lane Hi-way, thus making myself a more difficult target. My fellow Canadians driving on the other side of the road picked up on the fact that something was up and began swerving and weaving just as I was. It seems like everybody was on the same page here and although it may have looked like uncontrolled chaos it was actually very well controlled chaos. I accelerated and then suddenly pulled off the Hi-way onto a badly plowed side-road, blasting off into the woods until I found a secluded area where I could pull over and take stock of the situation.

It didn’t take long to find the hole in the headlight, in the driver’s side headlight in fact. That was the moment that I realized just how spot-on my instincts had been (yes, I admit that up until that point I had not been quite one hundred percent sure, but nothing says deadly attack like a bullet hole in your vehicle.) It’s just a guess, John, but I wonder if maybe all the investigating I have been doing these past months have perhaps rattled somebody’s cage?

I pulled out my wind-up flashlight to examine the hole a little better. Now I know from watching TV that for all the racket that guns tend to make, the bullets still are not capable of penetrating the metal of the side of a motor vehicle. Still, I was surprised at how little damage the bullet had done. The headlight lens had a hole in it but the reflector was intact and the light itself even still worked. Odder still, I couldn’t find the remains of a bullet. I supposed that it could have disintegrated on impact, but I didn’t consider that too likely. The only thing I can figure is that the terrorists used an ice bullet against me.

I know that the people who are professional at this sort of thing would probably scoff, but consider: what if the intent was not to whack me directly but instead to cause an accident? What if they had been aiming at my windshield? A windshield shattering in ones face (like on TV or in the movies) could easily cause one to swerve into oncoming traffic and that could be all she wrote. Plus there would be no evidence of a bullet since it would just melt away after the accident. There you go; the Mounties bamboozled and yours truly silenced. That’s pretty much a win/win situation for the Canadian hotbed of Islamic extremism, which would now remain hidden. Subtle.

Well I’m on to them now, and even better I now have somewhere to start looking deeper into this. I don’t want to tip my hand just yet in case the ad-bay uys-gay are listening in so I’ll get back to you when I know more. This may take some time.

Anyway… Humouroceros

The Headlight


A close-up of the bullet hole

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