Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The longest undefended border in the world 5

John; Things have taken a strange and unsettling twist in my search for terrorists. As I mentioned last time, I was going to head back down to the Government Centre. I had sort of gotten a bad vibe from there last fall and there have been stories around town. It is a pretty big facility and is worth checking out more than once. I suspect that after the entertainment and the news industries, government would be one of the next targets on any terrorists hit-list.

It was pretty early when I went down and kind of cool out. Good terrorist-spotting weather I figured as they would still be sluggish from the night chill. I entered through the Ministry or Plenty gates (which someone had forgotten (?) to lock) and began to look around. Bethune Courtyard was clear, as was the Shatner Playhouse and the Pam Anderson Hills. I had about figured that it was all good and after a quick look at the eastern annex door I was just going to carry on with my morning walk. Wouldn’t you now it but there was some movement in the decorative bushes by the door.

I set my camera to ‘night picture’ (it was still kind of dark) and lined up for a beauty photo opportunity. I didn’t know that the stupid flash would go off when I took the picture. Next thing you know a couple of hoodie clad goobers are stumbling out of the bushes, swearing and spitting for all they were worth. They didn’t look happy so as I quickly put my camera away I called out “Allah Ackbar”, which I have heard is a phrase that will put even the most rabid Islamic extremist to sleep in nothing flat. It didn’t work however so I went straight to plan ‘B’ and turned to hoof it, running directly into a car that had stopped right behind me. There was another greasy little hoodie-boy in the cockpit who reached out and grabbed me by the belt (stupid belt). “Hey,” he said, “what the (expletive deleted) you doin’ with my boys, yo?”

My options seemed pretty limited at that point so I did the only thing I could think of; I yanked my camera out intending to pull the photo-card out and eat it, thus destroying any evidence. Unfortunately one of the bush-hoodies saw what I was up to and called out, “Yo, (horribly inaccurate and offensive expletive deleted) has a camera. Dowg’s takin’ pictures of us, yo!”

The car-hoodie grabbed my camera and tossed it on the passenger seat. “Thanks for the camera (expletive deleted). You should (expletive deleted) off home, I mean, what are you? One of those go-gooder (what would be a funny expletive under other circumstances deleted)? Go home!”

Just then the bush-hoodies both puffed up to us and things weren’t looking real good. One of them panted out, “Hey, dawg took our (expletive deleted) picture when we was tokin’. We gotta (expletive deleted) zap him!”

“Yo,” says car-hoodie, “we’re not (expletive deleted) zapping anyone for seein’ you tokin’. I got mister (still horribly inaccurate and offensive expletive deleted) do-gooder’s camera and he’s got nothin’. You go home mister do-gooder. Yo, you two get in the car. Let’s roll.” The bush-hoodies pushed into the car and they bugged off. With my camera.

I guess I can call that one a misfire. Apparently I accidentally took a picture of a couple of dopers smoking a marijuana cigarette and I got my camera taken away for my trouble. And that’s just wrong so I’ll keep you posted about what happens next.

Anyway… Humouroceros


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