Friday, November 24, 2006

Texass neck-massage

It was the neck-massage heard around the world. July, 2006 at the G-8 summit in St. Petersburg and US President George W Bush snuck up behind German Chancellor Angela Merkel and grabbed her by the neck. Chancellor Merkel reacted in horror, flailing her arms about over her head, and then the President scuttled off to brag to his buddies about what he had just got away with. Of course it wasn’t long before he hadn’t ‘got away with it’ and the Internet was bogged down with photos and videos of the massage (AKA ‘the one-second Texas neck-wringing’) and all the usual suspect back in the good old USA began making loads of noise and it was all pretty exciting for a while.

I had a different take on the situation though and I’m actually pretty surprised that nobody else picked up on it (that I know of). My question is; where were Chancellor Merkel’s bodyguards while all this was going on? I would have thought that in the instant before President Bush’s hands touched the Chancellor’s neck, old Fritz and Gert Bodyguard would have had the Lugers out and, in the language of the bodyguard fraternity, they would have ‘whacked the mark’. Of course then President Bush’s bodyguard detail would have then drawn their six-shooters and ‘capped’ the German bodyguards and then things really could have become hairy (I am not advocating for gunplay and body-counts at G-8 summits. Nobody wants to see these things end with body-bags stuffed with world leaders being lugged out and it is a testament to the professionalism of those in the bodyguard game that the scenario did not play out in this bloody fashion.)

I was sort of wondering if while this whole situation was going down (the unexpected massage) whether the German bodyguards were hampered in their response by any holdover stuff from the end of World War II (which as anyone who ever paid attention in school will remember was fought between the Axis of Evil [mark one], Germany, Italy and Japan, and the Allied forces, led by England, the US and Uncle Joe’s Soviet Union.) Was there something in the terms of surrender that made it clear that Germans were not allowed to shoot US Presidents no matter what the provocation? That would have been a good rule for them to have, I think.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Going for the grope - George attacks
Dang, sez George, that weren't nothin'

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