Friday, December 01, 2006

The longest undefended border in the world 4

Well, John, it’s been a while I know, July 2, 2006, and I figured it was time for me to let you know that I was still ‘on the job’ as it were and that none of the terrorists from this Canadian “hotbed of terrorism” had got me, or anything. Yes, I’m still being vigilant and everything and I think that I’ve made some progress and the reason I haven’t been in contact before this was that I didn’t want to waste your valuable time with either chatty little letters or with what would look like paranoid ramblings in any other circumstances (I realize that as Chairman of the House of Representatives subcommittee on immigration and border security you are a busy guy.) Fortuanately since you and I are on the same page, exposing terrorist activities-wise, that is not a concern here. I felt that it was time to bring you up to speed on what I have been finding.

As you are aware I have been using my camera to document any evidence of terrorist activities I see. I take my camera absolulely everywhere that I go, and by ‘absolutely everywhere’ I mean most places. I have filled four 1-gig photo cards with pictures at high resolution and they are stored in a secure area at my home (between you and me, it’s a tube sock stuffed behind the dryer). My original intent was to download any important photos to the computer and then send tham off to you right away for you to deal with. I have since reevaluated and decided to save the original photo-cards with all the pictures I take and I have done this for a couple of reasons. I’m no lawyer but I figured that the originals would be more valuable evidence-wise if it ever came to a “trial” situation (if you now what I mean), and I also figured that if I kept all the pictures I took then your stone professionals would probably be able to spot any evidence that I missed (an enthusiastic amateur is still just an amateur, right?)
To give you some idea of how I’ve been progressing I’m sending the following three photos (with explanations.) They are each of them compelling in their own way and I think once you have studied them you will agree that I am definitely on the right track.

I was checking out a few things down by the eastern annex of the Government Centre when out of the corner of my eye (many people have commented on my exceptional peripheral vision) I spotted some unexpected movement at an upper floor window. I quickly turned, while pulling out my camera (multi-tasking to save time). I activated the camera and while waiting for the lens to deploy I composed the frame. I then focued on the window and took the shot. Unfortunately the window was now empty which I find suspicious. If everything was innocence and rainbows why did this “innocent person” hide?

I was walking along one of the local main drags when I heard a shifty, sneaky sort of sound behind me. Fortunately I already had my camera out, cocked and ready to go, so I turned and fired. If it hadn’t been for my finely honed instincts and my exquisitely tuned reflexes that 18-wheeler would have pasted me like a deer on the hi-way. Unfortunately by the time I had sorted myself out any suspicious activities had stopped and it was all clear. Weird.

I was out for my usual morning walk when through a gap in the scenery I got a pretty good view of the downtown core and wouldn’t you know it but there is this giant plume of smoke! I quickly snapped off a picture and them rushed off to get a better view and see if I could help. It seemed suspicious to me that there were no emergency vehicles to be seen but when I got closer I could see why. It turned out that there had been a messy cappuccino accident at a small coffee-shop called General Joe’s Coffee House and Bait Rentals. Some rookie had swished when he should have slopped and next thing he knew the air was full of milky steam (hey, it happens). Details were kind of thin on the ground but everything looked to be on the up and up.

So that’s it for now, John. I’ve got an interesting lead I’ll be following up this morning, once again down at the Government Centre and I’ll keep you posted. You can count on me.

Anyway… Humouroceros


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