Wednesday, September 13, 2006

William Shatner

Hey, here’s an idea! What say everybody lay off William ‘Bill’ Shatner. Leave the man alone, quit trying to bug him and let him get on with his own action. I’m just a little bit tired of listening to smarmy little creeps who feel they have the right to make fun of everything the man has ever done. Cheap shots are easy shots, kids, so let’s all grow up, move away from mommy’s house and, to quote Bill himself, Get A Life!

Honestly, it seems that any time Bill’s name comes up some smirking little jerk feels he has to fill the air with utterly clever comments about ‘Captain Kirk’ or ‘T.J. Hooker’(as if ‘Captain Kirk’ could in any way be considered an insult). Totally hilarious things are said regarding Bill’s ‘overacting’ followed usually by general insults aimed at Star Trek itself.

Okay, stop right there; the reality is that the original series of Star Trek was in the nineteen sixties and was the first science-fiction made for television that wasn’t complete crap. Look at the competition of the time, I mean, Lost In Space? And no offence to the millions out there who love Lost In Space and have been trying for decades to get it back on the air, but come on. Science-fiction on television up to that time was not worth watching and everybody involved with the original series was treading new ground.

Did William Shatner overact? Maybe although I recently watched a couple of the original series shows and it all looked good to me. I think it’s called being a professional and it’s what actors do; creating a character. Lots of folks know that the first inter-racial kiss was on Star Trek between William Shatner and Nichelle Nichols (Uhura), but a little known factoid is that the producers of the show were worried that they might offend some bigots if they showed the kiss. The plan was to film the scene in two ways, one showing the kiss and the other implying the kiss. William Shatner thought this was BS and he purposely kept ruining the implied shot so they only had the scene with the real kiss to use. Good on ya, Bill, and all the bigots can go choke anyways.

Post the original series Bill was typecast by the usual bovine intelligence that Hollywood seems to so often run under, the thinking apparently being that no matter what he did the audience would still think he was a Starship Captain. Stupid audience. Work became scarce but the guy never gave up and after the Star Trek movie series started he began to work more, with the TV series TJ Hooker and Rescue 911, and I hear that today he is on a show called Boston Legal. He’s written books, recorded a CD, paints, raises horses, and for all I know he Morris Dances and carves ducks. The point is that at 75 the man does more on a slow day than your average TV (or movie or book or music) critic does in three lifetimes, so back off you flapping little creeps.

To once again quote Mister Shatner himself: “I'm not a Starfleet commander, or T.J. Hooker. I don't live on Starship NCC-1701, or own a phaser. I don't know anybody named Bones, Sulu, or Spock. And no, I've never had green alien sex, but I'm sure it'd be quite an evening. (Pomp and Circumstance begins playing.) I speak English and French, not Klingon! I drink Labatt's, not Romulan ale! And when someone says to me 'live long and prosper', I seriously mean it when I say, 'get a life'. My doctor's name is not McCoy, it's Ginsberg. And tribbles were puppets, not real animals. PUPPETS! And when I speak, I never, ever talk like Every. Word. Is. Its. Own. Sentence. I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal. And I believe in, where you never have to pay full price for airline tickets, hotels, and car rentals! I've appeared onstage at Stratford, at Carnegie Hall, Albert Hall, and the Monkland Theatre in NDG. And, yes, I've gone where no man has gone before, but... I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission! My name is William Shatner, and I am Canadian!” - From a Just for Laughs appearance; a parody of the popular Molson Canadian Commercial entitled "I Am Canadian"

Anyway… Humouroceros

The famous "These are the voyages of..." opening monologue delivered by William Shatner at the beginning of every episode of the original series of Star Trek, presented here in Feanorian script (from the Lord Of The Rings). Enjoy.

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