Felching

It appears that in homosexual circles there is a sexual practice called ‘felching’. Felching is where one of the partners pushes a tube into the others butt, and then puts a gerbil in the tube, presumably to climb into the guys butt (yeah, like I’d make this up.) There are these two ‘fellows’ I heard about in Salt Lake City, USA. I didn’t catch one guys name, but the tube receiver was nicknamed ‘Kinky’. Kinky’s gig was to have the tube rammed home, with the gerbil, and when he had had enough he would say, “apocalypse” and his partner would pull the gerbil out. I don’t know or care what would happen after that. So one day they get hot and heavy into gerbil jammin’, or ‘felching’. Kinky figures that he has had enough and says “apocalypse” but the gerbil won’t come out. His partner peers down the tube and then figures that lighting a match will help, since as we all know gerbils are attracted to flames. So he lights a match, which ignites a bit of intestinal gas which fires up the tube and sets the partners hair on fire as well as giving him some second degree burns on his face. It also lights up the gerbil, and that little fire ignites another deeper bit of intestinal gas, firing out the gerbil as well as more flame. The now crispy gerbil as it fired out hit the partner in the nose, breaking the nose.

The end result of all these wild happenings? The partner: second degree burns to his face and no hair. Kinky: Second and third degree burns to his rectum and intestinal tract. The gerbil: well, he’s dead.

That must have been some trip to the Emergency Room though. One guy can’t see, has no hair, and has a still smoldering gerbil lodged in his nose. The other guy is unable to sit down, or even wear pants, and is nicknamed ‘Kinky’. I was looking at my Global Religion Positioning chart and I noted that there are more Mormons per square inch in Salt Lake City than anywhere else in the world. I wonder just how liberal the folks in Salt Lake City are. I wonder how tolerant that bunch are.

Anyway; Humouroceros