Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ice The Mice

The most recent mouse cull has entered an exciting new phase which, using the random code name generator online at, I have chosen to call Operation Ice The Mice (this should not be confused with last years Operation Mouse Roust, which wasn’t quite the success I had anticipated. As you all will recall Operation Mouse Roust involved tacking mouse heads to Popsicle sticks and placing them in the backyard as warnings to any other possible rodent interlopers. I had failed to take into account the fact that your average mouse will chow down on his best buddy at the drop of a hat if his best buddy drops his guard for only a second. Apparently the ‘head on a Popsicle stick’ display merely looked like a menu to your average mouse. “Mouse on a stick served here” indeed. Live and learn, as Homer Simpson says).
The strategy for Ice The Mice came when we tallied up how many mice we have been nailing every week. The cull has been pretty successful, numbers-wise, which sort of also points our where we’re not doing so hot, i.e.: keeping the little monsters out of the house in the first place. We may be thinning the herd a bit, but that don’t mean squat when it’s a really big herd to begin with.
Being the recycling types that we are it did seem to be kind of a shame to be shipping twenty plus defunct mouse bodies up to the landfill every week. The answer arrived in the mail last week (yup, that E-Bay is some handy). The Rovco Super Mouse-O-Matic ’04 is installed in our kitchen and our garbage is now completely mouse free.
Here is how this part of the plan works. First we catch the mice, then once the little corpse has cooled we fire up the Mouse-O-Matic ’04 using one of the preset rotor speeds and drop the little mutt in. In a thrice what was once a flea riddled bag of evilness is now a nice fresh mouse puree. Perfect for scooping onto some dry dog food and making your dogs some happy puppies.
The second part of the plan (and the more ‘subtle’, if you catch my drift) is that as our dogs romp around in our backyard, dropping their calling cards hither and yon, and farting like there’s no tomorrow, the scent of mostly digested mice will fill the air. Your average mouse does not mind chowing down on his best buddy, or even being chowed down upon (that being one of the prices of being a mouse), but they absolutely do not want to be eaten by a dog. The theory is that the commingled scent of mouse filled dog wafting about the property will convince the local rodent population to bugger off and stay there.
Further updates as they are warranted.Yours in vigilance: Humouroceros


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