Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Atlantis Found! (?)

I can’t remember where I found this and I suppose that anything’s possible in this crazy old world of ours:

In a satellite briefing this week, Professor Reihold Simpson of the Canadian Institute of the Theoretical Sciences (CITS) announced that the lost island of Atlantis has finally been found. Professor Simpson made this stunning and historic announcement direct from the site his team has been excavating approximately ten kilometers north of Franklin Station on the Antarctic Sub-continent. It is interesting to note that during the briefing the Professor would not refer to Franklin Station as Franklin Station but rather as ‘Aa-roo’roo-rah*roo’rah-rar’, which is the station’s original name in the native language of Atlantis

The institute has been excavating the site since early last year and in spite of the lack of evidence of a civilization of any kind ever having existed in the area Professor Simpson is hardly surprised. “You just have t look at all the snow and ice we have here,” he commented. “There is just tons of the stuff and to expect us to actually find any actual evidence that this is actually Atlantis is, frankly, unreasonable.” ‘Tooli’bahl-toolie*toolei’, as the ancient Atlanteans used to say.

The Professor went on to describe how his team had managed to crack the code describing the disappearance of Atlantis thousands of years ago. The only historical mention of Atlantis is by Plato in his writings entitled Timaeus and Critias. Plato describes a continent populated by an advanced civilization that lay just beyond the Pillars Of Hercules (the present day Strait Of Gibraltar). This island, he said, was destroyed by volcanoes and earthquakes, which caused it to sink into the sea. Over the centuries many have searched for this fabled land and many theories as to the continents location have been put forth. At various times Africa, South America, Cuba, and Australia have been ‘revealed’ as Atlantis, and in 1958 the Soviet Union claimed to have evidence that Atlantis had been a Soviet Collective and had existed in Siberia before sinking into the sea.

It was during an after hours affair at the CITS, organized by Professor Simpson, that one of his team pointed out that it was possible that there may have been some translation problems with Plato’s original writings, and Atlantis may not have sunk beneath the sea but rather it had sunk off the map. By way of illustration the team member took a roughly drawn map of the ocean we know as the Atlantic (but which the Atlanteans called, ‘Too’ree-roo Roo’ree*rooroo’), put a placemat on it and then held it up. Gravity called and the placemat slid off the map, falling to the ‘south’. As Professor Simpson said, it’s obvious once you think of it.

With this new evidence funding was secured from the Institute and the Professor and a small team of experts were soon in the Antarctic wastes where exciting discoveries were soon being made. “It was on our second day here,” Simpson recalls, “and my assistant, Burns, came to me with a startling observation. He pointed out that as we had been shoveling through the snow we had not found any evidence of lions or gazelles or any other native African animals. He felt that this proved that this continent formerly known as Atlantis had never been in Africa. Yet it could have come from near Europe where these animal were unknown thousands of years ago. We feel that this is a compelling argument for Antarctica actually being Atlantis.”

Further proof was discovered only a couple of days later when some of the team came across a colony of penguins. “That was particularly exciting,” commented Professor Simpson. “The sight of these little characters brought to my mind a theory I had developed while reading between the lines of Plato’s Atlantean reports. I believe that there was not one, but two highly advanced civilizations inhabiting Atlantis at the same time. These civilizations had a common science and their cultures were quite similar and they shared a language rich in words of beauty, art, magic and mathematics. Yet with all their learning these two civilizations were at odds with one another. The really exciting part is that one of these civilizations was called the Pen’guoo-roo(haha)*rin, and the other was called the Orca’rahroo*re’troo. If you look closely at modern Antarctica you see that the penguins natural enemy here is the Orca, or killer whale. Coincidence? I think not. It’s pretty obvious that the peoples of ancient Atlantis evolved into the penguins and orcas of today.”
Professor Simpson and his team continue their dig near the south pole but it would appear from the evidence that they have already found Atlantis. It is no longer a search but now an examination of an ancient civilization and it may be that this examination of the distant past will give us a better understanding of who we are today. As the Atlanteans used to say, “Tery ta’ploo ta tee’pla phloo.”


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