Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bozo the M.P.

Getting the mail was extra-hooting double special last week as I found, shoved in amongst all the bills and brochures from real-estate agents telling me to see my house, a letter from my Minister of Parliament. Now at the insistence of my better judgement I will not be referring to the honourable gentleman by his name, but suffice it to say that he is a member of the Conservative party and I will be calling him by his code-name: Dink-eyes.

One would imagine that a letter from an M.P. to his/her constituents (AKA: the great unwashed, the suckers, my fellow Canadians (during election time), and my favourite, the bottomless pocket) would paint a rosy picture of how that particular M.P.'s party was doing. What they are doing in the corridors of power to make the Great-White-North into the Greater-White-North. Maybe point out some successes, you know, make it into a feel-good sort of deal. Dink-eyes takes a different view.

"Often Canadians don't appreciate (the) luxuries of the great life Canada affords", he points out and Dink-eyes may have a point as the vast majority of Canadians are self-pitying, ungrateful, polite, whiners. Dink-eyes further suggests that a great life in Canada, "is only to be found in an attitude of thankfulness for all things." So, higher taxes for fewer services? Be thankful. Lost your job and can't pay the mortgage while your M.P. just shrugs his shoulders muttering something like, "that's free enterprise" in a 'sucks to be you' manner? Be thankful. It is kind of weird but I had never thought of the Conservative philosophy as being 'don't worry, be happy'. 'Don't think, be happy', maybe.

Honestly, I think the entire letter could be summed up in the first paragraph, in fact, largely in the first two sentences. "Well, we made it through 2009. Some people didn't so as we enter into 2010 we already have something to be thankful for." Granted, at first glance one might think this a little harsh, especially if it was received by someone who had lost a loved one last year, but a quick second glance (with a disbelieving head-shake maybe, or perhaps a solid head-butt into a handy brick wall) will show just how profound this thought actually is. "Way to go, you didn't die last year. Be grateful that you are not one of those poor gimps who didn't make it." Good one, Dink-eyes. Too bad it is too long to put on a bumper-sticker or you could make some handy extra money off a thought like that.

Throughout the rest of the first paragraph he points out how we Canadians have endeavoured to persevere through the H1N1 situation, job losses and a "fragile" economy, and he ends the paragraph with, "there is light at the end of the 2009 tunnel." This takes odd to entirely new levels as the letter is dated February 12, 2010 and as I understand things, to see the light at the end of the tunnel one has to be in the tunnel. The worrying thing is that this may only appear to be the usual muddled "thinking" we have all come to expect from our friends in Ottawa and Dink-eyes in particular. Maybe it is only a subtle warning that 2009 was the bright spot and 2010 is really going to suck. Fortunately, I don't think that Dink-eyes is quite that clever.

Anyway... Humouroceros


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