Sunday, February 10, 2008

Whose your daddy?

Word on the street is that Hugh Hefner, that hep-cat swinger fellow who founded Playboy magazine, wants to father a child (which would be his fifth). He and his bunny of the moment, Holly Madison (AKA: girlfriend number three) announced their hopes to the world’s press, and mentioned in passing that they had been having sex pretty much constantly for the past while, but so far no luck.

Hef-baby, who is on the downside of eighty-one years old, no doubt has his reasons for wanting to be a dad again, but it’s hard to figure out what those reasons might be. He already has four kids, he isn’t married to the girl (which isn’t a reason not to have a kid, I merely mention it in passing), and… He’s freaking old. He is eighty-one now and even if he manages to fire a Viagra assisted live one and kills the rabbit soon, he will be on the ugly side of eighty-two before any kid is born. So, in ten years? “Sorry son, daddy can’t play catch with you today. He’s having his pace-maker lubed.” Some fun. It does kind of look like he isn’t really thinking of any kid he may produce (using sperm that is way past it’s due date). It’s almost like it’s a vanity sort of thing. Like a few years back all the celebrities were hauling little, tiny dog-lets around with them as fashion accessories. These days anybody who is anybody is pounding out a kid. I would have hoped that Hef was a trend-setter, not a trend-follower.

Holly’s wants and needs are possibly a little clearer than the Hefsters are. “I want, like, a house and a kid,” she says, which is pretty special considering the order she put them in. A total cynic might be saying that if Holly gets Hef to rise to the occasion and they do conceive then she will be the mommy to another heir to the Playboy fortune. I suspect that the kid won’t get a fifth of the business, but s/he’ll do okay. And so will mom. At the very least mom will do better money-wise than she has posing nude, and how much longer can she do that? Posing nude seems to be a lot like playing hockey, at twenty eight (Holly’s age) your best years are behind you and popping out a kid for Playboy Enterprises is probably a good career move. But of course, only a complete cynic would even think something like that. Silly old cynics.

Anyway… Humouroceros


Holly and the Hefster
up in a tree
F-U-C uh...

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