Big Bad Lloyd

The reign of error that was the career of master-criminal Lloyd Carr has come to an end, for now. On April 16 Lloyd had an appointment with the Canadian Justice System in Edmonton, Alberta where he landed a three and a half year sentence in prison for defrauding the Albertan provincial government of $635,000. Yeah, they could afford it, being the richest province and all, it was just the principal of the thing.

Between 2004 and 2006 Lloyd as the director of the tobacco reduction program at the Alberta Alcohol and Drug Abuse Commission. That was by day, because by night Lloyd claims that he was packing a gambling addiction so huge it cast a shadow. During his time as director he diverted the $635K to his own personal accounts to maintain his jones for the pull-tabs and the scratch and wins. This is what he says anyway. Oh, he also "gambled" and bought a house and a car. No matter how you look at it though, the financial oversight by the Albertan government was nothing short of astonishing. Second to none, you might say, if you were prone to saying that sort of thing.

Now one count of fraud over $5000 (sure, $635K is over $5000, but a charge with a wimpy name like that is almost an insult, from a certain point of view) does not a master-criminal make. It turns out that while out on bail Lloyd had told his probation officer that he was fighting the good fight and gainfully employed as a house-painter in Swan River, Manitoba. Now I was surprised that someone on bail would be allowed to leave the province where the bail was imposed but this is not something I have ever had to deal with and the workings of the Canadian Criminal Justice System are frequently a mystery to me anyway. At any rate it turned out that the only part of Lloyd's work story that was true was the working in Manitoba part. The rest was, as they say in the halls of jurisprudence, a load of crapola. As it turns out Lloyd has enterprisingly got himself hired by the NOR-MAN Regional Health Authority by faking up a Bachelor of Social Work degree from the University of Calgary and by claiming, fakily, that he had work experience in Ontario. It would appear that the rubes in charge were so impressed by hearing the words "Calgary", "Ontario" and "Bachelor" that they didn't bother with any silly old checking of references or anything and before you could say "what the hell is wrong with these people", Lloyd was working as a mental health clinician for children in Flin Flon, Manitoba.

Yet there was still this pesky trial and possible jail time to consider, for Lloyd to consider anyway. Even he was aware that as shiveringly able as he was to convince even the sharpest Manitoba government hiring dude of whatever he wanted, it was pretty close to impossible to put a good spin on, "I have to go to Calgary to face a hearing for stealing government money and I am probably going to jail for a short time." The optics are bad and even a Manitoba government official might notice something a little iffy about that story. Lloyd's new job would be in peril, if not actual jeopardy, so he pulled open the old tickle-trunk of stories for all occasions and told his employers that he had bowel cancer and would be going to Winnipeg for an operation, and for this he would need some sick leave. I have heard that he even faked up a doctor's note on the inside of a torn up cigarette package, figuring that the subliminal connection between cigarettes and cancer would work in his favour, which it did. He was granted sick-leave time and off he toddled to old Edmonton town for find out what his near future held for him.

The thing was that the media had been watching this case and when it was put out that Lloyd was working in Manitoba some bright spark who is doing a damn fine job of working towards being a journalist checked the story out and the truth had actually come out (just goes to show that you can't trust the liberal, lame-stream media no way no how). Lloyd wasn't aware that he had been outed, but I feel confident that he figured it out when he was arrested outside the courthouse in Edmonton. His employers out in Manitoba figured it out when they read it in the newspapers. Crown Prosecutor Greg Lepp pointed out to the judge that Lloyd's actions regarding his parole and how he had scored his job in Manitoba showed that Lloyd was perhaps not quite ready to reform his behaviour and thus he should be sentenced accordingly. "He attempted to play us for fools", said Prosecutor Lepp. A seemingly contrite Lloyd said from the stand that, "Change is not an overnight journey, my journey isn't done. I stand knowing I've been forgiven by the Lord." Yeah, well the Lord appears to forgive priests who molest little kids so that isn't a real point in His, or Lloyd's, favour.

Apparently the "contrite" thing didn't cut any ice with the judge either and now Lloyd is off to the big-house to play 'who has the soap' in the showers with the guys. No worries about old Lloyd though. I figure that someone like him will land on his feet, and a three and a half year sentence doesn't mean much anyway. I think that works out to about a year in real time, minus time served, of course. Then he'll be back on the street, frauding governments and having a whale of a good time. Good luck in the joint, Lloyd.

Anyway... Humouroceros

PS: Okay, I'm busted. I added the twirly mustache and the fencing scar into the picture of Lloyd to make him look more dashing and pirate-like. The goofy gelled hair just wasn't cutting it on it's own.