Monday, September 08, 2008

The silly season

Political silliness in North America just became a smidgeon sillier with the announcement that there was to be a federal election in Canada on October 14 of this year. Canadian Prime Minister, the right honourable big Steven Harper is feeling his oats and figures it’s time to get rid of this darn old minority government thingy and go for the gusto. It started out with Steve being all coy (he is, after all, Canadian), spending some nice afternoons with the other political party leaders, sipping tea and eating Tim-bitsâ and talking about this and that. The last meeting he had was with the leader of the official opposition, the right honourable Stephane Dion. Steve and Steph only met for about twenty minutes or so before Steph scampered off to chat with the press corps (known as the corpse du presse in Stephane’s home town). S.D. said that S.H. asked for the oppositions total support for the next nine months, and S.D., with a typical French-Canadian shrug said that such a thing was “impossablé” and “not very damn likely”.
Of course P.M. Harper had no choice but to call an election since the opposition was being so unreasonable. “I cant work under these circumstances,” commented the P.M. “It’s like I don’t even know him any more.”

So, nothing for it but time to call an election and come October 14, 2008 many of us Canadians will be trudging off to the polls to fulfill our democratic duty (I say “many” because although all are invited, not everybody shows up). As usual it will involve voting for the least worse of a the usual bunch. Actually the really sad part is that on October 15th there is a real possibility that nothing will have changed very much. We will probably have the same minority Conservative government that we have now only now there’ll be several millions of dollars that will have been flushed away to sleep with the fishes. Bye, bye, dollarses.

Politically-wise (if I can use those two words together) the zaniness is in full swing for our friends to the south (the United States) as well, only it takes them a lot longer to choose a leader. Of course it makes sense that it would take them longer to get things decided down there as the population is roughly 10X that of Canada, they claim to be about 35X as religious as Canadians are in general (there is some question as to the authenticity of their relignicity but I’m not touching that with a three metre pole. Not today anyway), and on a good day they’re about 100X as likely as Canadians are to invade another country just for the shear hell of it.

Everybody’s favourite Republican, Senator John McCain (AKA: Cracker, McBush or, Governor Sarah Palin’s newest best friend) has chosen a hottie to be his running mate because she’s Conservative, she can field-strip a moose in under ten minutes, and he likes younger chicks. Senator McCain has said that he will be doing politics different from how they’ve been done before and will reach out to the other party once he is president, to get things done. Things will not be done the same old way, he assures his fellow United Stations. He then goes on to describe what a pack of cowards and traitors the Democrats are and how if they (the Democrats) win in November then it will be ‘Big-brother goes to Washington’ and “the terrorists” will be knocking at the door (the Republican vision of the Democratic vision is of your average poor United Station sitting at home staring at the space on the wall where the hand-gun used to hang, wondering why their children are being taught to abort children and become homosexual in school). Now if that’s not reaching out to the other party I don’t know what is. Why insinuating that the other party will bring in bigger, more intrusive government and reduce your civil and privacy rights, isn’t that like sending hugs and kisses? Of course the Republicans support illegal wire-tapping of US citizens and a domestic economy that is heading down the drain faster than greased water, or is saying that defeatist and supporting the terrorists? Oh well.

Senator Obama (also known as “the Democrats presidential candidate”) has taken the high road in this campaign, refusing to play “politics as usual”. It’s true that some see his choice of Senator Joseph Biden as a running mate to be a cynical political move, but I am forced to say that that thought is just plain crazy-talk. How could a rich, old, white guy possibly attract votes? Like, when’s the last time a rich, old, white guy won the presidency? People should think before they say those sorts of things.

Anyway… Humouroceros

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