Monday, August 18, 2008

The Westboro bastards

The Canadian government has long been very accepting of how other countries have treated Canadian citizens. Canadians arrested in other countries and tortured, Canadians essentially kidnapped and sent to other countries to be tortured, a Canadian child accused of war crimes and tortured, hey, it’s all good. Do whatever you have to do and the Canadian government will (maybe) shake its collective head disapprovingly, but that’s about it.

It took something pretty nasty to get our political leaders to pull their thumbs out, but experts agree, the Westboro Baptist Church is pretty nasty. For those who don’t follow this sort of thing, the Westboro Baptist Church is run out of Topeka, Kansas by the Pastor Fred Phelps, who is a homophobic loon from the old school (an old school run by Nazis and other drooling creeps). He and his congregation of like-minded, self-righteous jerks have decided to live by the old show business adage that says that there is no such thing as bad publicity, and so in a continuing effort to remain in the news they protest (noisily and obscenely) at the funerals of gay men and women. At least this is how they started. In their continuing efforts to show that they are ready, willing, and able to behave in a manner that would disgust even hardened scumbags, they have begun protesting at the funerals of US service men and women who have died serving their country.

Well it is true that usually this is merely and internal matter for our friends to the south (the United States) the Pastor Phelps recently decided to turn his gummy eyes north. It’s true that Fred and his cronies already hate Canada, along with so many other places, mainly because we Canadians are not a hate poisoned nation given to burning “fags” at the stake and stuff, but when a young playwright in Ontario named Alistair Newston, wrote and directed a cabaret production called, The Pastor Phelps Project: A Fundamentalist Cabaret. Pastor Fred Phelps will not be mocked, and those who do shall be smited, or smitten, or whatever. In any event, Fred and a bunch of his cronies were planning to show up and provide some free publicity. Mr. Newston was quite excited, saying, “They’ve increased my voice a million-fold… giving us publicity we would not have otherwise had.” Hardly a surprise though, really. An old publicity hound like Fred would have seen that coming a mile off.

And then a young man was brutally murdered on a bus in Manitoba, and Fred, his nose twitching at the scent of publicity with an international story, decided that the Westboro Baptist Church absolutely had to be at that funeral (remember, there is no bad publicity). So being at dim as a five-watt bulb the announcement was made and every human in Canada was disgusted and revolted by this new low by Fred and his pals. Revolted enough that even politicians noticed and it was pointed out that anybody trying to cross the border with signs such as those usually used by the Westboro bunch would be turned back. The church announced that they wouldn’t be traveling with their signs but would have them couriered across the border and by golly weren’t they clever and stuff. Then it turned out that there would be a counter-demonstration at the funeral to keep the Westboro bunch from making a bad situation worse for the grieving family, and the RCMP announced that they would be patrolling the area making sure that no laws were broken and nothing got out of hand. So that was the end of that, Fred and his dancing monkeys never made it to the funeral after all.

Fred’s daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, who is nearly as crazy as her old-man is (Fred, not being satisfied with messing up strangers, has also messed up his own children), moaned that if their protesters were going to be counter-protested and possibly arrested, then they just weren’t going to go. Our loss, I guess. One of the better comments to spew out of the Phelpspawn was, “that’s some crazy stuff when you’ve got your officials talking like they are in a back-alley brawl and not government officials who took an oath to obey the law and so forth.” I’ve got a newsflash for you there, Sparky. Canada (I am proud to say) has anti-hate legislation and as much as that may cramp your style something fierce, it is the law of the land. Oh, and that means that those officials you are blubbering about are in fact keeping their oaths of office, and so forth. They swore to enforce Canadian laws, not to protect a bunch of half-baked simpletons from down south who are here to spread some poison and break those laws. Tough break.

I understand that not being allowed to infringe on the private grief of a family for your own publicity may ruin your whole day, but personally I’m okay with that. I notice that the WBC claims that a group of their “loser youth” did make it to Manitoba (I’m surprised they could find it, being as they are idiots and all) and had themselves a private little protest in somebody’s basement, which is about where they belong, but really the less we see of Fred, his family or any of that grunting troop that follows him, the better.

Anyway… Humouroceros

Fred Phelps: crazy as a sh*t-house rat


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