Whale food

The pro-whaling community in Norway has gone on the offensive with a Eat Whale Not Cow campaign the appears to be making waves worldwide. Bjorn Bjorn Bjornson, president of the non-profit group, Whales Are Fat, Ugly and Delicious, says, “Yah. Many people once they stop to think about it want to kill whales and eat them. Yah, when I show people my group’s information then they all want to stop eating cows and chickens and start eating whales. Yah, one whole whale prepared properly can feed many people. Can you say the same about a chicken?”

The group also claims that eating whale is an environmentally sound practice. “Yah,” says Mr Bjornson, “look at all the millions of cows walking around all over the place and eating grass all of the time. Yah, if everyone eats whale, which is delicious, then we can get rid of the cows and build houses in the fields for people to live in. Yah, and cows you know, people are always saying, “Look at the cute cows.” Well you know that cows fart all the time and that makes methane and that is bad for the environment you know. Yah, when you eat whales there are fewer cows farting and less methane, so eating whales is good for the environment. Yah, and if you consider it logically, if eating whales is good for the environment, then having whales swimming around not being eaten must be bad for the environment. Whales are bad for the environment so that’s just another good reason to kill them.”

It doesn’t take too long to find recipe for whale on the Internet, either on specialty sites such as whalestastegreat.com, or you can buy whale specific cookbooks like 101Great Whale Recipes, Vols 1 & 2. While whale consumption has dropped in the world’s other whaling nation, Japan, in Norway whale meat is as popular as ever. Recipes such as, whale and spotted owl stew, roast whale with rhino horn flakes, fried whale and panda bear fritters, or the whale version of veal known as wheal have Norwegians chowing down on the big mammals more and more. There are plans to enter the North American market with an entry-level whale burger, which it is hoped will capture the imagination of the North American consumer. The Norwegians are optimistic.

Mr Bjornson is aware of the controversial nature of what he is doing, but he claims not to understand why it would be controversial. “Yah, my mother makes a whale rib casserole with a beaten seal-pup garnish that is to die for. Yah, it is exquisite. Why the whale lovers, so called, won’t even try it is a mystery to me. Honestly, I don’t know what they are blubbering about.” Bjornson laughs to himself for a moment. “Yah, this is my favourite joke.”

Anyway… Humouroceros