Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Rapture's comin' - git yer god on!

The word from the even crazier centers of relignicity is that Rapture is due to take place this coming Saturday. Rapture, for that portion of the paying public who can’t be bothered to pay attention to superstitious nonsense, is where the select will be yanked up by the currently popular god of the Christians to sit at the right hand of Jesus, watching TV and cracking wise.

Preacher Harold Camping out of Oakland in the great state of California figures that at about 6:00 PM (I assume Pacific Standard Time) on Saturday May 21, 2011, approximately 2% of the world’s population will be snatched off to everlasting glory while the rest of us will have to just have to stay here and make due. The description of who all will be taken is kind of vague (although I bet that humble Harry figures he will be going) but what all really means is that Camping is crazier than a wet cat in a plastic bag.

So, who is this Camping fellow? According to my sources he is an 89-year old former civil engineer who founded a religious broadcasting organization in the 1950s called Family Radio. Of course he tows the party line on evolution (he is against it) and he is anti-choice when it comes to abortion, but he is also known for forecasting the end of the world. Last time was on September 6, 1994 and he and hundreds of the dim and the dumb spent the day in an auditorium in Alameda, California waiting for Jesus to appear (because when Jesus comes back it will be to Alameda). As we all remember Jesus did not return on September 6, 1994, or any other time in 1994 or in any other year since, but did this discourage Harold? Like fun it did.

As Harold his batty old self said recently, “At that time there was a lot of the Bible I had not really researched very carefully. But now we’ve had the chance to do just an enormous amount of additional study and God has given us outstanding proofs that it really is going to happen.” So there you have it, the previous 50 years to 1994 were not enough time to figure it all out due to sloppy research and pages stuck together or something. He missed some important stuff so it was obviously an honest error but this time Harry and his happy crew have it right and no doubt about it. Saturday May 21, 2011 at 6:00PM PST is it! Mark your calendars.

And they are all going to look like royal nit-wits on Sunday May 22. Oh well, at least they are used to it.

Anyway… Humouroceros


Blogger Bandersnatchi said...

Loved the Rapture Gopher pic, I saved that.
and, yes, they all looked like nitwits, - before and after the non-event.


10:43 am  
Blogger humouroceros said...

I wish I could take credit for the Rapture Gopher but I found it at - I'm at times torn between contempt and pity for those who are so desperate that the only thing they can look forward to is the end of the world via some mumble-minded set of supernatural circumstances or other, whether it is some sort of god thing or that 2012 "Mayan" calendar nonsense. I do lean towards the contempt side of the scale since the folks who buy into this junk also tend to think that they themselves have a front row seat on that Rapture train, since they are such wonderful and wholesome people. That is arrogance and I just cannot support that. An even funnier thought is that even if there were some half thoughtout, ill defined afterlife, it would be nothing like what they think they imagine - see Mark Twain's short story, Extract From Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

4:51 pm  

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