Planet X, the new Nibubu

One of the greatest things about the World Wide Web (along with the cute baby pictures and bad jokes) is that at any point in time you are only one mouse-click away from rubber-lipped insanity. This is terrifically handy for those of us who have a penchant for smart-assery, and even more importantly, for those who depend on the more exotic, or rather, 'slack-jawed crazy' web-sites for news and information. Now take Planet X, also known as the mysterious planet Nibiru. If one merely follows the traditional mainstream media then it is entirely possible that one will have never heard of Planet X, unless it was during the last two minutes of a newscast during one of those "human interest", "let's see what the loons are up to" sorts of stories. You know, where they show a surfing squirrel or maybe some cow that can count to three, that sort of deal. Apparently Nibiru, also known by the science fictionally cleverly name Planet X, was first described in 1995 by Nancy Lieder. Nancy, who is the founder of the web-site http://www.zetatalk.com/ , says that she received her information from aliens living in the Zeta Reticuli star system via an implant stuffed into her brain by these aliens (apparently these were 'brainal' rather than 'anal' probally inclined space-aliens).

These aliens have been sending all sorts of info to Nancy for years now, explaining what the result of Planet X's passing by the Earth will be. The stories appear to have been muddled up some but I will do my honest best to clear it up as much as I can. Planet X is either a planet which may be four times larger than Earth or maybe ten times larger than Jupiter or maybe either a red or brown dwarf star or perhaps even a hot-dog shaped asteroid with slightly too much sauerkraut. It passes through the Solar System somewhere between every 3,600-years and every 6-million years and is expected to pass by Earth sometime between 2003 and, well, never.

Now obviously most people will have noticed that the Earth did not end in 2003, which as the original year that Nancy said the Zeta's had told her that Planet X was supposed to pass. As Nancy explains it the May 2003 date was a "white lie to fool the establishment" and she said that if she had said the real date then the establishment would have time to declare martial law and confine millions of people in cities where they would die when Planet X passed. Naturally this raises a couple of questions: I don't remember the secret world wide government declaring martial law in 2003, although I could have missed it, I was kind of busy just then. Also, many sites claim that NASA is aware of Planet X (as must be the millions of amateur astronomers all around the world) and is merely suppressing the information. If NASA is aware of Planet X, then how would they have been fooled by any misinformation from Nancy? They would have known the truth from their own observations. Just wondering. This also raises another point: Why can't your average goof-in-the-street see Planet X coming towards us? By all accounts it is pretty big and since we can see Jupiter and Saturn with the naked eye (as long as you know where to look) we should be able to see Planet X, right? The answer is that it is hidden behind the sun as it approaches the Earth. There are many pictures on the 'net of Planet X peeking out from behind the sun, all taken in the early morning or at dusk, and as is rapidly becoming the norm for this post, this raises yet another point. Being as the Earth is traditionally suspected to travel around the sun once a year, every year, then wouldn't the Earth be on the same side as Planet X for at least part of the year, and wouldn't Planet X be clearly visible for a large part of the year? This was a puzzler but after a few seconds of thought I figured it out, Planet X is approaching the Earth in a reducing spiral orbit which unfortunately for those who want to watch, keeps it on the far side of the sun. That is until it races past the sun and across the inner Solar System to pass by Earth

Planet X (AKA: sun flare)

Next, just what is going to happen to Earth when all this comes to pass? Apparently the heavily magnetic Planet X will cause our planet's core to separate from the mantle and reorient towards Planet X. This will cause the Earth's rotation to stop for between one and five point nine days. In that time the Earth's core and mantle will reorient to one another which will bring the North Pole south to about where Brazil is now. Then the Earth will start to rotate again and will soon be back to a 24-hour day, just like now. Of course now the old north and south poles will be on the equator and all that polar ice is going to melt causing some pretty substantial floods, resulting in the deaths of millions. On the bright side all the tectonic activity from the core and the mantle sliding all over the place shouldn't cause earthquakes any worse than nine on the Richter scale (here's a thought: the most deadly earthquake in recorded history took place on January 23, 1556 in Shaanxi, China. It is estimated to have been 8 on the Richter scale and caused the deaths of 830,000 people. That was about .18% of the world's population at the time, and would translate into about 11-million people today).

There are those who believe that Planet X will actually hit the Earth, causing the extinction of all life, including cockroaches and televangelists. Many of these people are convinced that NASA, as well as some nebulous idea of "the government", is aware of the impending disaster but is saying nothing and is even denying that there is anything to the "theory". As proof of NASA awareness it is pointed out that the Infra-Red Space Observatory detected an "unknown object" in 1983, "possibly as large as the giant planet Jupiter and possibly so close to Earth that is would be part of this Solar System." Further analysis showed that these initial announcements had been premature and that what had been detected had been distant galaxies and "intergalactic cirrus", which is sort of a lemon drink, I think, maybe like "the drink of astronauts", Tang. Naturally the doomers quote the initial reports and ignore the later analysis.

Further "proof" of NASA being involved in some sort of conspiracy is apparently the United States built South Pole Observatory (SPO). The doomers say this was built at the south pole because Planet X is best observed from the southern hemisphere and you really can't get further south than the south pole (I just thought of something. If you were at the south pole and you climbed up a ladder, would that put you further south? Hmmm... Back to our regular programing...) so obviously the SPO was built to observe Planet X. Totally wicked circular "logic", which has only one flaw, and that is that it is really nuts. The SPO was built at the South Pole because of the low humidity there, making for better observations of outer space, and it was not built or funded by NASA. Also, considering all the photos of Planet X taken by believers in the northern hemisphere, why would these same people be saying "the South Pole is best"?

Now, as marginally interesting as all the Planet X stuff is, really it is all just a steaming pile of butt-mud made up by people who are crazier than a plastic-wrapped cat. Back here in adult-world where mysterious planets don't spend all their free time playing peek-a-boo from behind the sun before scuttling up and tipping the Earth over so that east and west are the new north and south, NASA has had to spend way to much time and effort trying to point out what a joke the whole thing is. NASA public affairs, particularly the link Ask An Astrophysicist (http://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/ask_astro/ask_an_astronomer.html) has been emphatic in pointing out that the entire concept is a hoax based on pseudoscience, heavy on the hoax. Of course the believers, the faithful if you will, don't like hearing that and some get really angry that NASA says that the world is not going to end in 2012, or at least go through some huge change as foreseen by the Babylonians, the Sumerians and the Mayans, but not by any actual modern day scientists. In fact it seems that the more that experts, people who actually know what they are talking about say that nothing of the sort is going to happen, the firmer the doomers cling to their delusion.

And what will happen in early 2013 when we are not all dead and the Earth has not tipped over on it's axis? I figure the excuses will be thick on the ground and they will be imaginative and all the usual suspects will believe them, and then what will the next upcoming disaster be? I hear there is an asteroid flying in our general direction (http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2005/13may_2004mn4/) and at one time NASA thought that there was a slight chance that this might be a disaster, but further analysis showed that this is not the case. Asteroid 2004 MN4 will pass very close to the Earth, cosmically speaking, missing by 22,300 miles, which is close but no disaster. Some say that is will then swing around for another try in 2035 or so, but as Jon Giorgini of the Jet Propulsion Labs says, "Talk of Earth encounters in 2035 is premature." The near pass of Earth will change the asteroids orbit and actual scientist don't know how yet. In any event the scientists are not losing any sleep over it and neither am I but there are a couple of potential doom-dates involved so the dim and the dumb will have something to look forward to for decades to come, and that's good. It keeps them off the streets where a car might get them or something.

Anyway... Humouroceros

The Truth about 2012 from NASA Lunar Science Institute on Vimeo.